Thursday, March 6, 2008


One of the Idol contestants sang Leonard Cohen's
1984 opus "Hallelujah" this week, and it got me
thinking of how the carnal man only cares about
his penis and how sad that is. The song, Hallelujah,
by Cohen's bold assertion, juxtaposes King David's
lusty nature with his spiritual conflict in pleasing
God with his mystical stringed instrument skill.
In the song, the orgasm replaces the "Praise the
LORD" chorus to the Almighty.

It's a shame Cohen's name indicates he's the
last vestige of old priesthood, and this is how
it's degraded through the years, even with the
total misinterpretation of King David's life.

He suffered tremendous penalties for his
adulteries and murder associated with
lusting after Bathsheba, Solomon's
mother. Solomon, a child of the flesh,
raised in harems with poor a moral
compass, threw away the Kingdom,
and because of his sins, was denied
fathering the seed that would spawn
the Messiah. David's other son, Nathan,
fathered the ancestor to Mary of Judah.
David's other children were pretty
troubled and plagued by weaknesses
of the flesh. He was persecuted and
hunted by his son who wanted to
kill him. His daughter was raped
by her own brother. David suffered
because of his own sins of the flesh.

But, David was a man after God's own
heart. Though a man of war, of lust,
of covetous desire, he knew the meaning
of repentance and humility. He knew
the pain of sin and never justified
himself before God, but, tore open his
own chest, confessed his sins, and
tried so hard to get it right with the

This is a man of God. Christians like
myself are often the weakest, most
pitiful sort. I have countless lusts.
As much as I have loved Christ, and
I do adore him, with all my heart, I
have willfully sinned, even blatantly
committing sins of the flesh knowing
how contrary that was to the command
to abstain from these acts of rebellion.
The flesh and desire are so strong, that
even loving God as much as I can, I
have never totally conquered my
addiction to love.

It's been easier the past few years because
I was so broken and sick. I gained weight.
I am not sexy or young anymore. It was
a relief to not be desired, to not be tempted.
The hard thing about getting thin and fit
again is that it reinstills physical desire.
I want so much to conquer this and for
it to go away, or at least to have no man
ever find me sexy again to tempt me.
I just don't want to have to look a wreck
to accomplish this. For some reason,
when you don't want sex, it is sexier
to men.

So, it's not without understanding that I
criticize Leonard Cohen for abusing the
most celebrant benedictory phrase,
"Hallelujah!" Why must this be used
as a euphemism for an orgasm?

So then it got me thinking about King
David, and how he really got it. He
was a very physical man, and lived life
to it's fullest, in all ways, but, when
it came to YHWH and the LAW, he
recognized such a far superior purpose
that he crumbled into a heap every
time he was chastised and knew that
he disappointed him.

Everything about sexual love is a
shadow of the love that God cloaked
in mystery about Christ. It's plainly
spoken that this is a veiled introduction
to spiritual union with Christ.

So if all the natural man aspires to is
some 10 second orgasm, what is the
union with Christ really mean, in terms
of the orgasm being a small joke in
comparison, just like living for 70
years or so, is nothing to be compared
to eternal life.

In Song of Solomon, the bride who
represents us tells the groom, Solomon,
who is proxy for Christ, that if only he
were her real brother who she could
kiss on the mouth. Sometimes my
aching for Christ is worse than any
mere physical longing, or the worst
sexual longing of adolescence.

After living through many relationships
with men, none of them really thrill
me to be honest, and it's not because
I'm gay or just another bitch. It's
because that is not what I long for.
I want Christ more than any man,
any other man on Earth. Even if I
had my choice of rock stars or movie
stars, it's laughable. Maybe even
more so because they're all so
fickle, egocentric and vain that
you'd have to be pretty thick skinned
and foolish to believe one of them
could love for very long.

Most men nowadays are not interested
in love, just the hallelujah orgasm. When
their wives are not as enticing, the love part
usually isn't strong enough to keep them
straight. Especially with porn, now love
means sex. Now sex means porn. Now
more than ever is this meaning of love

Sexual love was given as a blessing and
introduction into love of the heart.
The circumcised penis was inferior
to the circumcised heart. Now it's
come full circle. The devolution of
man's spirit is the result of a devilish
world and everything being backwards
for now.

It's OK, tho, because as long as we long
for loving Christ, he will lead us down
the path to the ecstasy that lasts more
than a few seconds. Can you imagine?
When we see him for the first time?
Oh my....

I hate being crude about something
so holy, but, the profane is the mirror
image. The natural man will never
experience what David got to feel.
His mystical chords to YHWH were
more than a rock star's prop to get
chicks and Bathsheba's affection.
He was a man who loved God with
all his heart, despite his sins, and
his sins were forgiven when he
rendered his heart in two, sacrificing
his own pride and yielding to the
ecstatic vision he saw in Christ,
who he called "LORD."

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