Friday, August 31, 2007

Shabbat light

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When the lights go out on the Friday night of
the Sabbath, it beckons back to Creation. Night
preceded day. The journey began in darkness.

Without Him, without our LORD, there is nothing
but that interminable darkness. In the night sky,
tonight, I see the lights of stars and the moon's reflected
light in the water. This was made possible because
of His Creation, not our vain musings about big
bangs and what have you. HE IS the prime mover.
HE IS the ONE and HE IS the sum of all LIFE.
This is who God IS.

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In my mind's eye, there is no longer darkness.
He is as bright as the sun, and in his light there
is no fear. He took off the cloak of night, to be
clothed in the mortal flesh of my ancestor.
He was offered as a blood atonement for my
sins, and to keep the sacrificial lamb from being
slaughtered for it's blood, too. Soon, there will
not be carnivorous flesh, or murder, or destruction.
He made a new way for us to pass through,
and we shall pass over this land, too.

Thank you LORD God, for the blessings you
have bestowed on me, and your kindness toward
mankind. Although we exist in a treacherous ,
obscene and demented place, where evil has dominion,
there is no longer any doubt that your victory has
assured us a way to escape the damnation all around us.

The demons can do some tricks, but, we have
more than mere magic. We have YOU. May
you show the devils their fate through us,
like you did with Moses and Aaron, if that
amuses you. Let us rescue the captives of
darkness, against the day of your final wrath,
and no flesh can escape that. May the brass serpent
be our standard, to protect and confound the wicked,
who use the powers of demons to beguile the weak
on this sad finite but gorgeous little planet.

The glory of the CUBE's arrival will confound
them. They will go insane, but, they can
no longer deny you.

I love you LORD, with all my heart and soul,
beyond my own will, and above my own
understanding. I truly am unworthy of such
a relationship, but, it pleased you to give us
salvation. You have come for the lost sheep
of Abraham, and all the Gentiles. Jesus Christ,
the Son of God is our King and Priest forever.
He is coming back, and that's the day I
live for. With faith, we can attain the unlimited
and bountiful joy in your Kingdom. Every
nation will bow to you.

Every day I think about the Cube coming
with Christ and the Angels. I can see them
in the darkness of my mind and imagine
their glory, even though I know that their
actual countenance will exceed anything
that is known to me.

Praise you Lord, forever. I will never stop
praising you, not only until I sleep in this
flesh, but, when I put on the celestial flesh,
I will never be in darkness again, nor will pain
tempt me to forget your goodness, nor
thirst, hunger or yearning will beckon my
will. You are all I desire LORD. In Christ, I am
bound, for all eternity, the most grateful slave,
and the most unworthy of the brethren.

Praise you JESUS, and Thank you Father,
for our LORD and Savior, tonight. Come
back soon.

Hillary on Letterman

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I 'm watching Hillary on Letterman, and
I can't help it, she gives me goosebumps.
I love her. How long has it been since
a leader inspired such real love like this?
Who would think a Democratic First Lady
would lead a million or more Republicans
into the promised land?

OK, my hyperbole is thick, but, I do care
for Hillary. I see greatness and hope in
her. She has tremendous strength of
will, and faith in the Lord. She can be
one of the truly great leaders in the world.
She can be our Golda Meir, Margaret
Thatcher, only I see her as being even
more unique.

I remember when my mom met her,
and all she could talk about for a week
was how down to earth and nice she was.
She will bring our national pride back,
and keep our resources for Americans,
not disperse healthcare to the world,
while we have no universal coverage.
She will bring home our troops, and
keep our resources from building up
terrorists and those who hate us.

She comes across so well, and if the Democrats
don't nominate her, then it'll be a crime.

If just once George Bush mentioned the
needs of the American citizens, I would
retract everything evil I've said. He doesn't
care about America. He's the consummate
globalist, and his agenda is to destroy
the identity of America into a socialistic
global unity, where American slave labor
goes to others who want to kill us.

I wish this November was the election
year. The thought of another year for
Bush to plunder America and help
destroy our country is so scary.

I wish she was our president instead
of Bush. The thought of Guiliani or
McCann is sickeningly more of the
same. The thought of Obama or
Edwards is even worse. They are
both self-serving, not true leaders
in the mold of Hillary. She is one in
a trillion, and I pray it is God's will
for her to be our nation's next leader.


Thursday, August 30, 2007

He hears our prayers!

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Put a check next to : PRAYER ANSWERED-
Dad is fine. See, his PSA was high, last week
and he was dreadfully sick. But, he also had
a fierce UTI. It was the way Jenny, the Dr's
nurse said, that the doctor needed to talk
to dad about his tests, that sent a chill through
me. Turned out that his urine test showed
alarming level of infection, and he wanted
to yell at him for not coming in sooner.

Thank you Lord God, in the Name of Jesus,
I bless you, and am so utterly grateful for
your mercy and blessings. You have
reaffirmed your promise that anything
asked in your name will be heard.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Lord will take me up

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Some Wednesday musings:

I had my second John Lennon dream in a week.
It took place in downtown Philly again, as well.
I have no clue why I'm dreaming about Lennon,
other than the amusing coincidence of writing
about the Communist Lenin's would-be assassins,
in August 1918, my grandfather having aided them
in accessing the fledgling government.

Why aren't I having more back-in-time dreams,
which I LOVE! Instead, I'm with John Lennon,
and all I remember about most of them, is this
common thread of running towards the
London Millennium Wheel, or running
away from bad guys.

Here's synchronicity-coincidence with the
Millennium Wheel, ... I read that it is going to
be named for Paul McCartney.

My niece is coming to visit, along with the
cutest dog in the world, a tiny chihuahua
named Zeus! He's the most adorable dog,
and we love eachother. A dog's love can make
you feel so important. My niece claims the
fuss the dog makes over me is more than
he shows to everyone else in his little life.
I wish I could have a dog where I live, but,
I'm glad the condos turn a blind eye to
cats and birds, at least.

I miss my niece fiercely. She moved to
Coral Springs and was my closest friend,
but, she moved back home to Austin, and
it's left a big hole in my life. I only lived
here a few months before my accident,
so, it's the first time in my life where I've
had no boyfriend, and no friends.

I would like to make some friends down
here, but, I'm not well enough to socialize
at all. I hope if I can start feeling better, I
can take some classes. I decided against
getting a graduate degree, to get my
certificate in jewelry design. It's kind of
a far cry from becoming a pastoral care
counselor, or health administrator. I
even considered law school, but, I have
to be realistic. I don't have the endurance
or energy to tackle those degrees.

The jewelry design course is approved
for disabled people, and I think it may
help in my recovery, in that it will help
to reforge connections between my eye
and hands. I love doing lost wax, and
I'd love to learn how to do stone
settings. I have a treasure chest (itty
bitty one) full of loose gems that I've
collected over the years. It would be
neat to finally design and set them,
then maybe sell them at the Swap
Shop, or consign them at kiosks in
the malls.

The big news today is that dad's doctor's office
called to make sure he keeps his appointment
tomorrow since "the doctor wants to discuss the
blood results with him.."
It could mean nothing
or everything at his age. I felt like crying and I
hugged him a lot today. He was being so brave.
I saved this part for last because I am trying to
keep a record of my most urgent prayer requests,
so I can thank God and connect them.

For instance, it was one thing for me to pray for
Michael Vick, asking God to take away my hate,
and for him to accept God's forgiveness in Christ.
When he actually gave his testimony of faith,
and appeared so dignified and handsome, it
was easy to let my hatred fly away. It was
very rewarding to see how God answered my
prayers, without hesitation.

So, this is a big prayer:

Father in Heaven, please hear my prayer for
my dad, a wonderful Jewish man who tolerates
my obsessively fanatical beliefs in Jesus Christ.
Ford dad's patience, and tolerance of my faith,
even sharing it with me, praising Jesus when
prayers come true, I ask that you help
with his blood results. Lord, you appoint
each of us a day to die, and with all who
love God, that day is one of coming home,
and of joy.

I ask you Lord God in Heaven, who hears
our heartfelt prayers, to let tomorrow pass,
without news of cancer or other terminal
diseases, or disabling diseases. I'm not ready
to lose my dad, and I ask you to not take
him until he can spend the next 10,000
years with us in New Jerusalem, and be
part of your eternal flock.

I thank you for all the blessings in my life,
and for helping me to overcome unbearable
pain. I ask for this favor, as well, and I am
grateful that I can come before the throne
of God, and my prayers are as important as
any world leader's words. We are so rich
for having faith. I pray that my dad's faith
is also fortified. Faith is the greatest gift
from God. Please Lord, give my dad the
faith to believe in you and seek your face.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Monday musings

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I am grateful that Obama has the
kiss of death support from Oprah,
George Clooney, Sean Penn, and the
same Hollywood crowd that won
Bush 8 years in office! I am thrilled
because I want Hillary to win.

My dad feels Hillary is waffling, trying
too hard to please too many...

I pray that she will settle down and
just believe in her destiny.

Obama likened New Orleans to the
parable Jesus told in the Sermon on
the Mount, about building atop rock,
vs. sand. He compared the US gov't to
sand. To the casual listener, that's not
an egregious error, but, it sent a
chill through me.

I never want the government to be
likened to God, the Father, or Christ,
our Rock of faith. I don't want my
government to promise to stand for
God or Christ to me. That's the antichrist
preaching, not JC!

On other news, Michael Vick gave a
very inspiring testimony about how
he is abandoning his ways, and he's
going to follow Jesus. Way to go Vick.

Many are cynical about Vick, but,
not me.

There is an open door for Vick, and
God loves him, dearly. I pray that
he finds forgiveness, forgives himself,
and turns his life in a way that helps
other young people who look up to

Alberto Gonzalez is gone today. There
was something smarmy and not right
about him to me, and I'm glad that
he's gone. I can't wait until all vestiges
of Bush are gone from the American

I watched most of the last full day of
trial evidence in the Phil Spector case.
There was real comic relief with Lana's
bestest frenemies, mean girls, Punkin Pie,
and Jennifer Hayes-Riedl reiterating their
self-serving, Lana-hating slander, only
less convincingly than the last time.

Miss Pie had sent out an en-masse Xmas letter
to 100 of her friends and frenemies worldwide,
blaming Phil Spector for taking her best friend
away. She tried to sugar coat it, saying it was
her way of being "general" and politically
correct, which was horse-shite. She could
have succeeded in that to leave it at, "Lana
left us..." She really betrayed her murdered
friend. I don't know how she can live with

I pray that Phil Spector, who shot
this beauty, will face the consequences.
I pray that if he paid off any juror, that
they will be found, and go to prison, longer
than Phil's term would have been. I ask for
the jurors to have wisdom and discernment,
and seek justice for Lana Clarkson, for her
mom and sister's sake.

I pray for the Lord to have mercy on Phil,
after he is sent to prison, and that in his
hour of need, he turns to Jesus, to save him.
I pray that he connects to the only one who can
forgive our sins, and I pray that he finally
comes clean. I ask for him to be humbled,
and to be below rock bottom, but, to have a
chance for salvation and eternal life in Christ.

Please have mercy Lord on all of them.
I pray for the orange leathery Judas-twins,
who lied like rugs, under oath. May their
own forked tongues to condemn them,
and I ask that they be seen as pariahs,
and treated accordingly. I pray that they
are thrown to the pit, and stay there until
they come clean.

Let salvation be the net that catches all of
them, even if it takes exteme misery.
Better to win the Kingdom of heaven, than
to not know suffering in this temporary

In the Name of God, In the Name of
our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Monday, August 27, 2007


I'm feeling 100% better. I know that pain is my cross
to bear, but, just when I feel like I can't take it anymore,
he takes the cross, too heavy and crushing, for my
weak shoulders.

Why is it that I haven't learned, even after 20 years
in his service, that he commands us to release our
worst burdens? I pray that I can conform to him,
as he has bidden.

My dad was deathly sick, as well this week, and
even more grateful that my Lord, so merciful,
released him from his misery. I pray that he makes
a full recovery, and that I can minister to his needs.

There are catastrophic fires raging in Greece this
weekend, the worst in recorded history. Reports
are that 60 souls have perished due to them.
Terrible and catastrophic flooding afflicted the
midwest in the USA.

Father, in Christ's name, please show mercy
to all those in peril, and comfort them.
May the Lord be praised for His mercy and
truth. Let the Earth be hushed, and listen.
May the Lord be worshipped for He is
our Creator. Let the Earth bow it's brow
and listen now. There is a small voice in
the winds, and it will bless us when we

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Saturday, August 25, 2007

Shabbat Light

Exd 40:38 For the cloud of the LORD [was] upon the
tabernacle by day, and fire was on it by night, in the sight
of all the house of Israel, throughout all their journeys.
Gen 49:8 Judah, thou [art he] whom thy brethren shall
praise: thy hand [shall be] in the neck of thine enemies;
thy father's children shall bow down before thee.
Exd 31:10 And the cloths of service, and the holy garments
for Aaron the priest, and the garments of his sons, to minister
in the priest's office,
Sgs 2:14 O my dove, [that art] in the clefts of the rock,
in the secret [places] of the stairs, let me see thy countenance,
let me hear thy voice; for sweet [is] thy voice, and thy
countenance [is] comely.

1Cr 15:52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last
: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead
shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

Psa 18:28 For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD
my God will enlighten my darkness.

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Friday, August 24, 2007

Number Nine Dream

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I just woke up in a icy sweat from a
dream, and even though I wanted to
stay in that snuggly peri-dream sequence,
I fought inertia and got up. Now, I have
to write it fast because it's fleeing...!

John Lennon was in the dream. I've had
regular Lennon dreams before, some so
vivid, that when I awaken, I can't believe
he is a dead man. I can't recall the exact details
of each one, because the dreamscapes are
often disjointed and layered, nonsensical...

I met him once as a kid, in Philly. I also
lived in St. John's wood, next to EMI,
so I've had Beatle dreams since I was a
kid. They've been burned into my

Anyway, this song was important in
my dream, strangely enough, "No 9

Dream, dream away
Magic in the air, was magic in the air?
I believe, yes I believe
More I cannot say, what more can I say

On a river of sound
Thru the mirror go round, round
I thought I could feel (feel, feel, feel)
Music touching my soul, something warm
something cold
The spirit was unfolding

The Millenial Wheel was in my dream. This wheel
has been in three or four dreams that I've had
in the past few months. I don't know what it
means, but, the dreams surrounding the wheel
are very vivid .

I can usually remember them weeks later, even
though they're nothing special. In it, I'm always
looking for something, or I'm lost, or I'm runnning
from or towards something. The Wheel is what I run
towards because then I know where I am,
if it makes sense.

The dream I just had mutated Philly into London.
So the Wheel was on the Ben Franklin Parkway
where i lived as a kid. We were running on Kelly Drive
by the Schukyll River, up to the Art Museum,
where the Wheel was.

I can't recall a lot, and as I type, what was so vivid
is now slipping away. dang. I can never get dreams
down fast enough. Someone was after us, John,
and it could have been a morph of Phil Spector/Charles
Manson. LOL. I think that's because I've been
watching the Spector trial on CTV, and my
BGF (best gay friend) is a Manson kid. (His
mother was a non-homicidal but famous
Manson follower.) He was going through
his files today, and reading them off to me
so he could send copies of the ones I wanted.

OK, so before I go back to bed, I just figured out
another reason why I may have dreamt of Lennon,
and it could be that I've been researching and
working on my notes on VI Lenin's attempted
assassination in August 1918.

I never really gave huge consideration to
the synchronicity of Lennon and Lenin,
but, wow... I can see something there...
Back in the USSR... trippy

I'm going back to bed to see if the dream
can continue. I've been able to do that
sometimes, in the same night. I don't
know if other people can do that, but,
it's pretty neat.

One other thing that is possible with
my dreaming of Lennon, after writing
about Lenin, who was supposed to .
be Phil Spector's friend. I remember
telling Lennon something like, "You
have some seriously fucked up friends."

I know just on the surface, there's
some blatant symbolism there...
but, it's all muddy now, so back to

I have to thank the Lord for having
a much better day. I had much less
misery, and when I woke up, I felt
no pain. YAY! When pain goes away,
it's like a hit of heroin. Bliss.

Poor John Lennon. Goodnight
sweet prince. Meet me again in
at number 9.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Pain pain isane in the membrane

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I'm having a rough day, so the giraffe is my
therapy. I thank God for all the critters that
grace our lives. I love them all so much. My
3 cats are my healers, when there's no other
evidence of God's mercy and grace. Their
beauty and comfort is remarkably soothing.
I love each of them, but, Boy Toy, a gorgeous
small gingercat, is my soulmate. His peridot
eyes, and soft fur reflect the face of angels.
When I ponder why that is, I realize that
while angels have a face like the faces of men,
the cherabims, the highest order, also have
three other faces, and one of them is
a lion's face. Christ is our Lion of Judah,
Lion of Zion. So, in consdering that, my
little darling's lion-like coloring and glory
brings me a glimpse of heaven's most splendid
celestial creatures.

There is tons of comfort in knowing that these
animals will be our companions in New Jerusalem.
We are given the assurance that even my beloved
lions will lose their carnivorous nature, and will
dwell with the lambs. We will not only cohabit
our homes with them, but, poisonous snakes,
so beautiful, will no longer have venom or
their fear to strike. Little children will play with

These are the images which calm me down,
when I can see the city, and transcend my
pain here.

Pain is terrible. My spinal chord is messed up
from the accident, then deterioration from lack
of medical care. I can barely walk some days,
like today. Today, there was a fire that ran down
from my neck, down my spine, where a little
inferno was blazing away in my thoracic spine.
From there, it was nothing but pain down my
legs, to the bottom of my feet. I know I'm messed
up, and I don't know what to do to get well,
other than pray, and take comfort in New
Jerusalem, and the Cube's arrival, hopefully

Only other Christians would not laugh at me
for statements like that. I don't discuss it with
non-Christians too often, because like with
Scientology's extreme extra-terrestrial beliefs,
there's something about telling most grounded
and functional people about life outside of

Those who are into it would agree with me that
the universe is teeming with life. My dad can't
figure out how they're getting here, since the
vast expanses of time and space preclude
other species, like ourselves being able to
do it.

My thoughts on this are that while we are mortal,
they are not. The UFO event that my dad say
in light formation, which I think sounds like
Ezekiel's vision of the Cherabims, help to
explain why they can travel from galaxy to
galaxy. They're immortal and celestial beings,
not limited to Time/Space, but, they can
certainly come down here. When he rolls
his eyes, I remind him that he has no better
explanation for them, and he has to agree
with that.

I know we're being visited because in addition
to believing accounts by those who have seen
them, people in the military, police officers,
air force officers, as well as a few astraunauts,
I have seen it for myself, so, there can't be
anyone who can convince me otherwise.

Have I been taken aboard? Probably not,
but I certainly think about why they're here.
In Revelation, they are sent to Earth to
help us through the Tribulation. Why don't
they make international connections, and
do it in this way? Because, they have a
command, and their purpose for being
here is to oppose the devil. His time to
world rule hasn't come to fruition, but,
when it does, they will help in non-passive

Have I seen angels? I think I have, but, can't
prove it. I used to get so close with some of
my patients that I felt like my most vital
role in their lives was to comfort them in
spiritual ways, when medical help wasn't
enough. In addition to sitting with them,
letting them cry, letting them confess their
sins, letting them pour their hearts out
to me, praying with them, and reading to
them words of hope, at the end, all I
could do was sit and hold their hands,
waiting. People tend to wait until their
loved ones are gone to leave. If I had
the time, I would try to sit with them
after their families and partners were

While I didn't see the angels in physical form,
I recognized when their eyes would fill with a light,
as if they saw their angels, and usually
they would have peaceful transitions. Knowing
this, has given me great strength and comfort.
I wish I could see the angels, but, I certainly
believed I could sense their presence,
and perhaps see them in that same part
of my brain that has psychic abilities.

I hate how I sound, bragging about these
things, but, tonight, I need to grab hold
of the angels' hems, because I need hope,
and they're all I have, in addition to my
darling cats.

There's a false teaching in the Church that
God heals all our diseases by our faith. While
I totally believe in God's healing, it's ludicrous
to say that he heals all our diseases and
afflictions, because otherwise no Christian
would die. Other than St. John possibly
being someone who was appointed to live
for the past 2000 years, as far as I know,
no other man of God escaped the fate
of all mortal flesh. Christ rose from the
dead, as the firstborn of our race, but,
our dispensation must be completed,
and we are still appointed to die.

I am coming to terms with my death,
because it's not only inevitable, but,
it may come soon. My health is really
bad, and without medical care, I think
I will probably die within the next year.
I hope not, but, I'm deteriorating too
quickly. Instead of railing and throwing
a fit, cursing our leaders who have
failed us, while giving the world the
medical assistance at our expense,
in the end, the reality is that I'm probably
dying, and there's nothing I can do about
it, and no one who cares. No doctor will
treat me for free, and I simply don't have
20,000 bucks to fix my spine, or even
have tests to determine why I'm so sick,
and getting worse and worse. I think my
heart is failing because of the horrible
pain. Today, I had pitting edema in
both feet, and could barely walk at all.
Along with the rest of it, it's probably
my heart failing.

When I am in the most pain, my challenge is
in coping. I try praying, and while that always
help, for whatever reason it pleases God, I am
not having deliverance. The worst thing
that a believer in Christ can do for their own
moral is to believe another Christian will
offer them solace and comfort, for they
all seem to become Job's friends, and do
the opposite, putting the burden on the
one who is afflicted, implying it is because
of our sins, or imperfect faith... It's our
nature to do stuff like that, and I'm not
blaming my friends, a bit. I have probably
done it, if not vocally, in my head, thinking
that someone was being punished or
chastised for a reason.

One thing that I will never do again is
to try to justify someone else's suffering
by considering they are being afflicted for
their sins.

So, I have had to pull away from some of
my friends and brothers, because I can't
handle the standard eupemistic homilies
of "this is to test my faith, and it shows a
flaw in my faith if i am not healed."

I understand and forgive them for this
because we are indoctrinated that this is
the case, and when someone is not in
pain, they have no idea what it's like.

No one can perceive someone else's
suffering. Our nature is to be more
judgmental than non-judgmental. I
am no better.

I cringe thinking of how when I was in
full physical glory, athletic, strong and
full of life, I would get sick of treating
the same sick emphesema and COPD
patients, blaming them for their infirmities.

It was through God's intervention that I
found humility when my tendency to judge
my patients overwhelmed my non-judgmental
professional creed. The solution was that after
not smoking since my teens, I began smoking,
to bond with them. It worked. It was truly
humbling, and united me with them, and helped
me to help them.

It is hilarious though, because sometimes my
medical director would call me and ask me to
take some patient outside for a smoke. It takes
a wise, wise man to realize that sickness and
healing doesn't always have the usual cause
and effect. Sometimes, my massages cured
status asthmaticus, patients who even when
they are put on ventilators, can't breathe.
There's more to healing than chemicals and
incisions. Compassion and the human touch
is miraculous.

It is tonight I wish I had someone to return
those massages I gave to so many. It was
my greatest gift from God. My mom used to
say I had the hands of an angel, and when I
laid hands on people, I felt the Holy Spirit more
distinctly than any other time, even after days
of fasting and prayer. The Spirit was like a cold
fire, and I wish I had it now to heal my damaged
spine. It's funny, but, when I had backaches
after working long shifts, sometimes 16 hours
or more, the one thing that would renew me
would be to give someone my specialty, a 3 hour
full body massage. You would think that it
would be impossible to even endure expending
so much energy after being that exhausted and
achy, but, that's how I know it was when I
directed myself to tend to the needs of someone
else, when God would heal me.

That's been the most important lesson in
Christianity that I have learned in my life.
I wish I could serve him this way still. I
don't know why this accident happened,
or why I had to learn the hard way that
medical care doesn't exist for 50 million
Americans, but, maybe I won't die, and
maybe I can use this suffering to reach
out to help others again.

It's so hard to convince those who are
not in pain, and who think that as long
as they have health insurance that they're
in no danger. People don't realize how quickly
it all goes away, and do no t believe that medical
care is simply unavailable to 50 million or more
in America. We simply are too sick to do
anything. We end up dying. Even Emergency
Rooms let us die. They treat us worse than
lepers. It's horrible and degrading to go for
help in an ER, and they are so unbelievably
mean and uncaring.

My dad begged my old family doctor to see
me, but, he said unless we could come up
with money for tests upfront, there was nothing
he could do. Can you believe that? Lawyers
do pro bono work, but, those like me, are
told to suffer and die, by doctors who took
hypocratic oaths. They're too busy covering
their asses to care. Even if they treat us,
without tests, they can't be sure what is
going on, and in my case, my spine was
shattered a bit, and bone fragments got
into my spinal chord, which now is really
messed up. I need complicated neurosurgery,
and it would cost too much to begin to think
I could ever pay for it.

I was awarded over half a million in court,
$675,000! But, I haven't gotten a penny.
I don't expect to, either. The judge awarded
me that because my surgery and rehabilitation
would cost at least $100,000. It's like with
my insurance, though. Even when I had
my health insurance, since it was a car
accident, they wouldn't pay as a first tier
or primary insurer. They would only cover
expenses and deductibles after my car insurance
covered the rest.

My insurance wouldn't pay because the accident
was someone else's fault. This teen took her
grandmother's car and went for a joyride
down near A1-A by the beach. She ran a red
light at a major intersection, and I didn't stand
a chance. My airbag didn't go off. Originally,
I sued Toyota, but, they had this army of
litigators, and their stance was that the airbag
didn't go off because the car sensor wasn't
engaged since before I hit, I swerved. They
escaped any responsibilty, and my lawyer
said in order to take it further, I'd have to
put up 100,000 to sue Toyota...

When you're sick or severely injured, you
don't have this kind of fight in you. So, you
don't have the ability to keep dealing with

The teen who caused the accident had no license
and was an illegal. Her grandmother had no insurance
or registration, nothing, nada, and nothing happened
to them. Even with a judgement against them,
and a home worth over 150,000, in Florida, you
can't seize someone's home, nor would I want
to, but, when the grandmother died, even with
the lien I had on her home, the bank got what
value was left in her home, not me. This woman
had taken out a second mortgage, and when she
died, her heirs didn't pay the mortgage, so the
bank wins, and I lost any opportunity to get
some money.

It's been nothing but bad luck, and I can't believe
how miserable it's been. I can't believe how I went
from such an active and athletic life into this
slow deteriorating death. Not one doctor will
treat me, without putting up the money for
tests. Originally I had 3 MRIs, but, that wiped
me out. They were 1800 a piece. I don't have
any more money, and can't pay for them on
my credit cards, which is how I paid for the
last ones.

So, I know how messed up my spine is due to
xrays and MRIs that I paid for, but, I have no
way to pay for surgery. Now, I have all but
accepted my fate that I will most likely die,
if I can't last the two years that it will take
until Medicare kicks in. It takes 24 months
from the time the government approved
your disability claim for SSA, to get Medicare.
Unless you have a child under 18. If you
are, you don't have to have even paid into
Social Security, like I did. You don't have
to be a legal citizen. As long as you have
a kid, you get Medicare for yourself and
the kid.

Believe me, I wish I had a child, but, how
would I take care of them now? LOL. It
is so fucked up that all I can do is laugh
and sometimes all I do is cry.

I have to be careful not to accidentally
see Bush on television, because then
I feel like I'm going to have a stroke, my
hatred of him is so intense. I couldn't
get to the remote soon enough today,
but, there he was, gloating over Iraqis
voting today, with that gloat-y face he
has which makes me want to punch
his lights out.

He has NEVER NEVER N EVER mentioned
any American in his speeches. NEVER that
i can remember, other than eulogizing
dead Americans in tragedies or who died
in 911 and Iraq. I hate this man with
all my heart, even though I know hate
will kill me sooner than anything.

I resent him more than words can describe
because he is always talking about other
countries. The worst is when he speaks
of how much medical aid he's giving people
in Africa and the Third World, when 50 million
or more Americans liek me have NO WAY
to be treated by a doctor, and NO ONE
cares. No agency is there to advocate for
us, and there's nothing anyone is willing
to do, other than tell us to go to ERs,
and when we do, they hate us worse
than vermin, and treat vermin better.
They write out scripts for 4 vicodin
and it's GET OUT OF MY ER.
I'm just another fucking GOMER.

You can see by my fucking language
that pain draws its relief by using
bad language, and throwing spitballs
at my television when fucking Bush
is telling us how much aid he's giving
the fucking world who want to fucking
kill us all.

Fuck it all.

What can I do but find diversion in animal
faces, and remembering that death is a
release, a good thing. But, dang, I wanted
to do so much more. I have lived half
my appointed days, and I suppose I'm
greedy. But, I have to accept that our
existence is cruel, and isn't the whole
picture. Look at Lana Clarkson, the
gorgeous funny loved actress brutally
blown away by that rich psychotic
music mogul. Was it fair that she only
got half her days, and that man will
probably get off, and will live his
hedonistic life, with his fetus bride,
and he's even gaining a following
again thanks to this.

If that's not the most unfair thing,
then what is? Is it fair that OJ plays
golf everyday raising the kids of the
woman who he nearly decapitated?

This is a fucking wicked world. Death
is sometimes more desirable. It's got
to be better elsewhere, and maybe it's
better to die than to see how bad it
gets here on Earth, where evil
is taking over the planet at rapid

I just hope my eyes see George Bush
suffer one day, for all the suffering he's
caused American families. I hope he
knows real pain, because he hated his
countrymen, and betrayed us, selling
us out, and taking our resources and
giving it to our enemies. When the
hell did a leader consider that a good
way to act? He's the biggest enemey
to America, not Al Quaida. I really
and truly believe that now, and while
he's not the antichrist proper, he's
certainly of the same sympathies.

He enjoys seeing Americans go down
like this, and he is a complete traitor.

I'll probably delete this. I always feel
embarrassed when I read my rants
when the lights come back on, and its
not the interminable night of pain.
I pray that God helps me and more than
the pain, as always, I pray for God to
remove my hatred and bitterness.
Even if I have to endure this slow
process of dying and suffering, I
pray that I can do it wihtout whining
so much.

In Jesus Name, forgive me Father, and
let me not lose my light because of this
dark mood and self pity. Let me once
again be able to concentrate on helping
others, or just let me die. But, Lord,
if I die, please find a good home for
my kitties. I cry and cry thinking ofg
what will become of them. Why do they
have to suffer because I live in a country
that lets people die?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Gog and Magog Rising


The Russian president, Vladimir Putin, at the MAKS-2007 international airshow. Photograph: Dmitry Astakhov/AFP/Getty Images

The temperature is going down.
The heat is on.
There are rumors all around.
So we've heard.

Check me out!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Check me out!

It's amazing what 24 hours can do to
improve my outlook. LOL. I am so
grateful to the Lord for the miraculous
lack of any known casualties of
Hurricane Dean, in spite of it being
a Cat 5! Praise Jesus!

I'm not quite so paranoid about George
Bush spouting horns, or the illegals all
around us busting in and cutting off
our heads, not yet, anyway.

It's wonderful when I can give my
cares to the Lord, and he manages to
calm me down. It's so good to feel
better. Thank you Lord.

Hillary HOPE and Bush

My HOPE FOR 2008 is Hillary.
Check her out!

I was trying to sleep, but, I was actually
too stressed out, thinking of how Bush
made an unholy alliance with two other
leaders who absolutely hate America,
especially in Mexico, promising Mexico
that he would send them yet another
blank cheque, even before there's any
hurricane damage there! WTH?!!!!!

I know Lord Jesus Christ, died for my sins,
and tasted my bitterness, and experienced
my eternal sorrows, up on the cross, when
the victory was won. I ask that I can express
my frustration in words, and then let it
go... let it be purged from me, let me
crucify this turmoil and pain, so I can sleep
and be at peace again. I pray for God's
forgiveness for hating George Bush, and
for having so much bitterness against
illegals, and foreign nationals who come
here to destroy us, and who pose a tangible
as well as an imminent threat. I don' t want to
hate, or fear, or malign with words, but, how do
I rise above it? Only by confessing these things.

Unlike George Bush, Hillary thinks of Americans
FIRST. George Bush has never shown Americans
any loyalty or consideration. He NEVER mentions
Americans. His speeches and rhetoric invokes the
cause of human rights and aid for others in other
nations, most of whom hate us, burn our flags,
and call for our extinction! When has this President
ever demonstrated how he cares about us in America?

He doesn't care that 50 million Americans, or more,
live without having any access to health care. He didn't
care how many people in Florida went without any
help during the hurricane season of 2005.

Why doesn't anyone consider that charity
begins at home? Are the mega-rich Americans
so jaded that they believe American people
are getting help when we are fallen, or
do they care about their fellow American
in any way at all? I'm beginning to believe
those like Bill Gates, Ted Turner, et al,
have disposable millions, but not one scintilla
of compassion for their fellow American,
and I believe they have a latent contempt
for Americans as well. They seem to be
quite on line with the global government,
coming up from Hell itself.

The Bible states that a man who ignores the
poverty of his own family is WORSE than an
infidel, and that describes what George Bush,
and all his billionaire buddies represent to
those suffering in America!

Look at this mess in the Middle East that we've
sponsored. Iraq hates our guts, and as soon as they
announced they were taking August off, because
it was too hot, while arrogantly ignoring how it
is now up to American soldiers to protect and
risk their lives for their miserably ungrateful asses,
we should have sent for every last troop, and told
Iraq to go to Hell, wiping the particles of their cursed
dust off our toes, never looking back again.

IT IS INSANITY! I used to be a Republican.
I was a Republican all my life. I was a Young
Republican before I could even vote, but, I
will confess that George Bush has cured me.

What right does he have to take tax-payer and
treasury money and send it to them, while 50
million Americans, or MORE, have NO health
insurance, and his government sends them a
message to just plain suffer and die! He is worse
than the Nazis. At least they euthanized the sick
and handicapped, instead of letting them languish
in pain and illness.

Doesn't Bush recognize how offensive it is to
those like me, who have been denied access
to health care, to promise unlimited financial
support to all of these people in places that
hate us?

There's actually this illegal woman in the
news, who thinks she has a movement going,
and her arrogance just beats all. She is barely
able to speak an English sentence even though
she's lived and worked here illegally for ten years.
She claims she has the right to benefits and privileges
that American citizens no longer have, because
she popped out a kid. I'm sure that she had the
health care that I couldn't get, because as a mother
of a young boy, it didn't matter if she was here
legally or not. The government recognized her
need to be well, but, not mine.

What's so ironic is that for 20 years, I administered
health care to others, and a large number of illegals,
who got the finest care that 50 million Americans
no longer have access to!

Hillary is the only hope we have, in my view.
People who think because they have medical
and car insurance, household and life insurance,
that they are safe do not realize how hard it is to
collect on these assurances when it is their turn.
They are not insurance policies. They're more
like broken promises.

When I had my car accident, my car insurance
went into Chapter 11, and wouldn't pay for my
injuries, and my health insurance wouldn't
cover my broken vertebrae, because it was a car
accident, and they claimed they should pay.
I had to fight for over a year to get my disability
insurance to pay, even though I had paid hundreds
of dollars each paycheck for health and disability
insurance. When I needed this, for the first time
in my life, everything failed me. The system has
no mercy, nor does Bush.

This is madness.

No worker in America is guaranteed any
safety net under this government, but,
our President just pledged another blank
cheque to Mexico. Isn't that the very
epitome of chutzpah? Isn't that the u ultimate
slap in the face to so many like me?

I'm so disheartened tonight, especially since I
feel cursed, since I am sick, and have no way to
get well. I just get worse and worse. I really resent
this evil mad President, who hates me, and most
Americans, outside of the very rich. If it wasn't for
Hillary, I was seriously thinking of leaving this country
and just going back to Israel and waiting there for
Christ and the Cube.

Hillary is not a mason, or Skull and Bones,
or Club of Rome, or Bildeberg (sp) one-world
globalization guru corrupted puppet of the
ultimate demon.

God help us. God HELP US! U.S.A. is dissolving
into the world soup. The chip- mark o'beast is being
brazenly introduced and actually marketed as a way
to protect children. Yes. Very soon the world's lights
will go out, and they will force everyone to get
the chip, otherwise they cannot buy or sell.
OMG, it's so near..

Please help me to rest Lord God. My head
is full of these things, and hatred only corrupts.
I cannot overcome my resentment for Bush,
but, it's a sin to hate him the way I do. Please
cleanse my heart and mind of this severe
hatred and resentment towards others.
I don't feel well, and I'm bitter, but, I have
hope that Christ will make all things new,
and will turn our suffering into rejoicing.
We are experiencing the sorrows of birth
pangs, waiting to be delivered.

Closing thoughts and intercessions

Check me out!

Vick pleads guilty

One of the best trial attorneys in the
country is Billy Martin, in my opinion.
This point was evident today by the advice
he had to have given Michael Vick to plead
guilty. Instead of the travesty of creating a
smoke and mirrors defense, playing on racial
cards and other methods of obfuscation, his
client pleaded guilty.

Good for Billy Martin. And also it is reassuring
that Vick is taking responsibility for these
heinous acts. I hope that in doing the
right thing, that he will be purged of whatever
it was in him that craved such appalling acts of
cruelty to animals.

I asked God to help me with my hatred of him,
and this has helped. I pray that Vick will
also come to terms with his actions, and
find his spirit reconciled with the Lord.

When we see those like Brittney and
Paris still commanding front page attention
for behaving badly, it is no wonder that society
has fallen into total darkness and decadence.
It was disappointing to me when Paris Hilton
lied about becoming spiritually awakened, only
to be laughing at Christ, then returning to even
more scandalous and pornographic behavior.

I see what her fate is, and it makes me
so sad. She still has the opportunity
to repent and do good, but, just donating
20% to a hospital isn't enough.

It's sad that these poor fools don't realize
that the day is coming when they will have
to offer an accounting to God. If only they
had a consciousness of the Lord, then they
could escape the wrath to come, and help to
guide a generation into the righteous
path, not beckon them to join them down
the highway to hell, making it look like
a joyride on a sparkling glorious pathway.

Hell and judgement is real. Some clues to its
horror are in the actions of Vick, hanging and
drowning innocent and lovely dogs. These are
demonic forces, in play, and all of these sports
icons, rock stars, and celebrities, celebutantes
may be envied by common people, but, ironically,
they are the poorest slaves and most wretched
of the ones to be cast into flame on the final
day. They are subject to even greater damnation
and condemnation because they were given
much, and much is required. They will regret living
their lives in selfish decadence and hedonistic
pursuits of pleasures, taking others down the
same path. They have thumbed their noses at God,
mocking, living in open blatant rebellion and
beckoning others to live this way. They are
saturated in evil, dragging this generation into
the depths of darkness and depravity with them.

I pray for Michael to maintain his honesty, and
to come clean. I pray for the Lord to wash away
his sins, and separate him from them, as far as
east is from west. I pray that given this chance
for repentance and remorse, that he utilizes the
Lord's chastisement and will commit himself to
serving God and making amends.

We really could use some heroes, not dirty ho'bags
like Brittney and Paris, and animal-killers,
ho-mongers, thugs and creeps, who prostelytize
the demon, evangelizing the devil's message
to young people . It doesn't matter what size a
woman's breasts are. It's what's inside the chest that
matters, not what plastic bubbles are outside.
It's what is inside a sport's hero's heart and soul
that matters, not his bling, shoes, tattoos and
hell-acious attitude.

I pray that people just start to wake up
and see the truth coming down fast.
All eyes will see Him, and I pray that
people start to realize how little time is
left, and begin to reform themselves,
committing their spirit to doing good,
and serving God.

Father, in Christ's Name, bring
Michael into your glorious presence
and anoint him in light. Let him
begin anew, and have your love in
his heart, to make amends and
influence young people in the
way of righteousness. Amen.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Reaping the Whirlwind and the Wrath of God

Check me out!


What does it profit a man to win the world
and lose his soul?

At one time I believed that in spite of being
a Skull and Bones alumnus, that George Bush
believed in Christ, and God.

They already have the chips to implant
in our hands and heads. They are going
to start in China. They have all they need
to set up the world government and enslave
the bodies and souls of those who reject
Jesus Christ.