Saturday, September 29, 2007

In The Twilight Last Gleaming

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

It's a glorious night outside. I live on a canal, and
I love sitting on the patio and watching the lights
on the dark water. The insufferable tropical heat
of the summer is beginning to give way to the
temperate perfection that draws millions of
snowbirds to my area each year.

I hate the traffic, but, God bless them all,
for making this area a great place to live. We
have endless miles of discount shops and
a diversity of restaurants to appeal to the
International community that flocks here
from the four corners of the globe.

I love diversity. It is comforting to walk in the
miles of mall space in Sawgrass Mills, and never
once overhear English. I love seeing every nation
and creed happily shopping in one place, eating
side by side in the food courts, and laughing in
this cheerful environment.

It's hard to believe that outside this Mecca, there's
a violent and troubled world, about to implode,
planning harm on those who are human beings,
just like them. Walking in the mall, it's hard to
imagine such things. It's hard to understand
why anyone would want to hurt a stranger.

I suppose if my family had suffered death
because of the situations of war and conflicts,
like those Palestinians in Israel, and all those
whose bitterness increases from generation to
generation, then I would understand this hate
too. Even though my ancestors were murdered,
it doesn't touch me directly. I still can't feel what
they feel, so I cannot judge their pain. I get it, though.
If my loved ones were killed by the Nazis, I'd want
to kill Nazis. If my loved ones were killed by Israelis
I would want to revenge their blood. Where does
it end? The Lord carried our crosses, and we were
told to nail it and crucify our pain. Endure with
patient suffering, and hope.

Hate destroys the last vestiges of human
dignity and hope for the future. It inflicts harm
on the innocent. It erases any way for the future
to correct injustices of the past.

I know the twilight lights upon the canal where
I live, will one day be dimmed. I know this is
the twilight last gleaming. I know that I will
cherish these last moments of solemn peace
to keep in my heart until the indignations are
past, and Christ returns.

Lord God, how I meditate on your beauty and grace.
I ache for you, and need you like air and water.
You are the light in my mind's eye. You are the
warmth of the sun and the air that I breathe.
I love Jesus Christ more than any other, and
above everything else. My heart wants to burst
out of my chest and fill the night sky, and my
lips want to shout out to the stars in the night sky
how lucky they are to be closer to your proximity.

Come back soon, Lord, and bring with you the
weapons of peace, and the soldiers of your
heavenly crusade. I will not stop watching,
I will not stop praying and waiting for the
saints to come marching in with the legions
of Angels, and the chariot of heaven arriving.

In the Name of the Father, YHWH, Abba,
I pray for all those who long for righteousness
and peace, for they are nearest to your heart.
In the Name of the Son, Y'shua HaMaschiach,
I pray for the lost sheep of the House of Abraham,
both of Isaac and Ishmael, both of Jacob and Esau,
to come together in Abraham for the arrival of
the LORD! In the NAME of the HOLY GHOST,
I pray for every heart seeking your peace.
Every eye will see, and every tongue
shall confess that Christ is LORD, forever and
ever, Halleluyah, Praise Your Holy Name,
HaShem, FOREVER and Ever. Amen.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Iran has NO HOMOSEXUALS.................anymore.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is having a great time
from the look of things. He loves pushing
buttons and exerting his Napoleonic complex.
Power is an addictive drug. He's not the first
to become intoxicated or driven by this force.
It is the most irresistible substance of all.

"There are no homosexuals in Iran"!! Haha.
Anymore... sure! There are no Christians
either, anymore. They're all hung. Women
are so free. LOL. OK.

I wasn't upset with Colombia inviting
this guy, and I think it was an opportunity
to connect to him, and for him to feel
an affinity for the people he fantasizes
about killing. But, the applause in the
audience was disconcerting, especially
since the only boos he got was when he
mentioned gays.

It's not that I don't respect gay rights,
but, as a Jewish-Christian female,
I feel real vulnerable here.

The rise of the FOURTH Reich? It
truly is. But, along with sets of four
are four horsemen.

I need to come back and address the
Prince of Persia prophecies, because
there's a riddle in what's happening,
in Iraq and Iran right now. These
two ancient kingdoms are certainly
in play. How to read this little dictator
is another matter. He certainly came
prepared with his propaganda and
lies, but, what's his agenda for real?

Are Iranians bad? That's the saddest
part of it all. Iranians are awesome
people, some of the best! But, they're
curtailed and subdued by this theocratic
terror. But, potentates change. This
little man may go away and another
rises in his place, who has the horn of
God. Or this little nut is part of the
Beast. Which means it's coming down
fast. I hope all those who clapped for
him will speak as fondly during the
dark days of the nuclear winter that
is coming.

Iran is a wild card. It's not really mentioned
as being a primary component of the Beast, at
least not blatantly. I think that's due to
the history of the Kings of Persia, in
Biblical days. While King Aheusaurus (sp),
Queen Esther's King, imposed pogroms upon
the Jews in Persian captivity, his love
for Esther caused him to completely fall
in love with the Jews of her heritage.

When the Hebrew nation was taken captive
by Babylon, (modern Iraq), for 70 years,
their savior was the King of Persia, and
his predecessors, who had tremendous love
for the people of Daniel, and children of
the God of Daniel.

God blessed Persia for this incredible
and holy provision out of the goodness
of their hearts. The end times prophecy
returns all these blessings. Just as Christ
informed the Apostles that whatever
nation rejected him, it would be addressed
at the end, every and any nation who
blessed the Hebrew nation, like Persia
did in ancient times, will be blessed.

Some of the most spiritual Christians
I have known have been Iranian. In fact,
I really love Iranian people, the ones
I have known, anyway. They are wonderful
and intelligent. It is miserable that
religious fanaticism has imprisoned such
independent and noble souls.

It would be easy to call Mahmoud, the
zealous President, a type of Antichrist,
especially since he's done nothing to
prevent the slaughter of tens of thousands
of Christians, gays, and political dissenters.
Yet, in spite of his offensive diatribes
about Israel, and the Holocaust, there's
something greater happening, that causes
him to be a mere puppet. Yet, with God's
light, he could become like Esther's King,
or King Cyrus and King Darius. He could
be like King Nebuchadnezzar, the great
potentate of Babylon, who became converted
to Daniel's God. If the King of Babylon
could be transformed by faith, then
the diminutive President of Iran
can also attain illumination.

However, I don't see this scenario as
being the most likely... I think he feels
convinced that he is serving God in
this bloody vengeful way. I think he's
deceived. I pray for his soul to be open
to light, and for the LORD to bless his
understanding. I pray that his heart
is open to the love of Westerners, and
that he would have the same epiphany
as King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon,
and like Cyrus and Darius, may he one
day be Israel's protector, not detractor.
For this, his pillar will stand before
a holy and perfect God in righteousness,
not in murderous shame.

No one who murders innocent people
is of God. Nebuchadnezzar was the ultimate
and primary prototype for the Antichrist.
It is not beyond God's reach to transform
anyone, for His glory, even these lackeys
of the false Christ.

I pray for this kind of miracle in the
current leader of Iran, who seems to
be spitting in the wind.

Father, in Jesus' Name, I pray for
this man who's power affects the lives
of so many powerless souls. I ask that
you bring him to the understanding
of your ways, and give him a charitable
and kind heart towards those who
he mistakenly believes are his enemies.
I pray that he understands and sees
you, in your signs and wonders, as
they are very evident.

I pray that a giant hole opens up in the
city of NYC, and swallows the unholy
alliances of the United Nations, a
body of delegates whose allegiances
are not hid, and are dedicated to Lucifer,
ala the "Lucius Trust." I pray that this
house of wickedness is leveled and has
no more height than the twin towers
which fell. May it please you, I pray
that this happens at night, and so
no lives are lost. But, if it is not for
the Kingdom's purposes, then let
them rant and rave, conducting the
devil's business out in the open, in
the false name of diplomacy and
brotherhood, when all they stand for
is the Antichrist. All they are UNITED
NATIONS for is to rid the world of
the Christians and Jews.

I pray that YOU come and avenge the
martyrs and those about to be slaughtered.
I pray that you save many of those who
are mistakenly following the devil into
perdition and doom. I pray that the
harvest brings forth millions of souls
for the Kingdom of God.

In the Name of the ONLY LORD,
Holy and True, Y'hashua HaMaschiach,
Hashem, Praise your NAME, AMEN.

Angels Unawares...

I have had a hard time since my accident,
not only with the physical injuries and limitations,
but, in being thrown from that high perch of
self-sufficiency, into the unknown depths
of waiting out the interminable time it
takes to navigate the heartless bureaucracy
of insurance companies, the legal system,
and federal aid. I joined the ranks of millions
who had thought they were covered in
an emergency, only to discover how
treacherous catastrophic illness and
insurance do not always go together.
At the time of life when you need the
most help, that's when the worst nightmare

Getting real help has taken more than
3 years. I was fortunate to have my
dad, who took responsibility for me,
and who provided a roof over my head.
My savings left soon after I stopped
working. When you're sick, money
goes even faster, due to medications
and special needs. I have lived off
credit cards, and now I'm in debt,
and I was about to declare bankruptcy
because I had no way to pay the bills.

I won over $4oo,000 in a judgment
from the accident, but, in Florida,
no one is ever forced to pay.

I fought for 1 year to get my private
disability insurer, Unim Provident,
to kick in. By then, my debt had
swallowed up my savings and
my dad had to bail me out.

I've bitched about my nightmare
and misery alot, so I don't need to vent
about it endlessly. I wanted to thank the
LORD for his mercy in providing me with a
real angel this past week. He may have
been human, like I am, but, he was
truly of God, whether he was an
immortal, or a carbon-based organism
like me. He went out of his way to
correct many injustices. His mercy was
overwhelming, and after facing so
much adversity for three years,
I am almost overwhelmed by this
angel's presence in my life.

I had no idea that the government
would be the rescuer, not the
judgment I won for the accident,
which I never collected, or my private
disability insurance, which only
covered me for a year.

I reluctantly applied for SSDI, after
I realized I couldn't work in the same
capacity, and I was too sick to commit
to any full-time job. If I was okay one
day, I wouldn't be the next. It's very
humbling to fall off that mountain
of self-sufficiency, especially when
you love your work. I will never stop
missing what I did.

It's so discouraging getting turned down
for assistance. It's humiliating asking
for help, even though Social Security
is derived from my own money, not
public charity. If I didn't work for 20
years, I wouldn't be eligible for SSDI.

I had a judge who initially turned me
down, when I appealed, but, the appeals
board sent it back to him because it had
reversible error. Even the doctor testifying
for the government said I couldn't work
on a regular basis, and the vocational
expert said I couldn't hold a job if I
have bad days when I will not be able
to drive, or perform any basic task.

But, the judge reversed his decision, and
I was then sent to SSI, kind of like welfare,
I suppose, even though it's not called
that. My case worker was so compassionate.
He clicked with me, and ended up signing
me up for everything, and issued Medicaid
and an emergency check to start.

I never thought I'd be proud to get Medicaid,
but, after being without health care for 4
years, other than the one doctor who sees
me pro bono, I am ecstatic. He also back
qualified me for Medicare. It's a strange
system, because after you are designated
as disabled, you don't qualify for Medicare
until 2 years have passed. It's illogical, but,
that's what I had been told by several
case-workers there. Then, God sent me this
angel who stayed at his computer a half hour
after the office closed. He worked furiously,
not speaking to me, only apologizing every
few minutes. He was reading my file,
and it was obvious he felt sorry for me.

He didn't indicate what strings he was
pulling or what he was even doing. He
just said that I would get help, and two
days later, I had medicaid and a federal
check. Other than a tax return, I've never
seen a government check. I never saw
anything quite as beautiful. Even though
it feels weird accepting help, I console
myself thinking that if our government
is hemorrhaging money into the
Middle East, I can use taxpayer funds
to get back on my feet. Eek, it feels
funny bragging about getting help
though. I am ecstatic about it, however.

For three years I have been bitching and
feeling bitter about all the money that
goes to non-taxpaying members of society
and other countries. Now, it would be
hypocritical of me to say that I shouldn't
jump for joy at getting help. Still, every
working person has some resentment
at seeing others get the tax money they
have taken from them. Everyone should
realize that one day, they may need the
kindness of the government. Without
help, I was going to die.

100% of this miracle goes to God, and
his angel, Mr. T., a heavenly bureaucrat
who moved mountains for me, and
who went farrrrrrrr beyond the call of
duty, even staying past the office closing
to help a stranger.

I know that I have known patients
who resonated with me, and I would
sometimes go beyond the call of duty.
We're not supposed to boast about
our good works, so, I wont, but, whenever
I went beyond what I was obliged to
do as a therapist, it blessed my life
more than the person's life who I
was put there to help. That's how I
used to look at it.

In fact, I now can confess my bitter
conversations with the LORD, when
I questioned why I couldn't have a
similar benefactor in my life, as I
was in other people's lives. I asked
why I was left out, forsaken, and
most of all suffering, feeling cursed.

I think the LORD amply replied and
his respite was in the form of this
wonderful young man, who pulled
every string, beyond my wildest
dreams, and changed my life from
cursed to truly blessed.

Thank-you Father, for this angel,
and I pray that you so bless him,
and his family, as he has provided
me with hope and sustenance, with
so much mercy, that it had the seal
of God on it.

I have hope of getting well, and
going back to school so I can
again work doing something I
love. It's truly a miracle, and the
fact it took 3 years, only makes it
more of a blessing. I am so grateful.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Synchronicity and some things come full circle

I took a week off of frustrating research, to
return with a vengeance. I've experienced
that connection with my subject, when it
is an external force using me as it's instrument,
not the other way around. I've been working
hard on establishing a nexus between my
grandfather and his role in trying to get
the Romanovs into the safe haven of
England, in 1918. All I can safely say is
that history has really fudged some
pertinent facts, and with access to
reports from British intelligence from
that era, it's possible to start fine-tuning
what actually happened, even though it's
been told a thousand times in a thousand
different ways.

Not that my grandfather was a good guy,
because I know he wasn't. But, international
spies aren't necessarily good or evil. They
collect information and barter for who they
work for, the same as any other employee
in a corporation, ultimately with their
own agenda, like anyone else. My
grandfather was a piece of work, though,
and I've always known this, but, he's even
more complex than I ever dreamed.

I used to believe he really loved America,
and distanced himself from his past, but,
now I know that part isn't true. He was
close to Lenin, and went back to the USSR
in 1920 to be the interim Minister of the
Railroad, for a specific act of espionage
at the time... Then, he came back and
stayed in Philadelphia long enough for
my mom to be conceived and born.

He and Sidney Reilly were truly wild
cards in this game of momentum towards
world revolution, following the Russian
Revolution, but, no one knows for sure
who they really worked for, only that
they worked together as associates.

Reilly was suspected as being the main
suspect in the poisoning and deaths
of his lovers and romantic rivals..
The fact that my grandmother was poisoned,
too, isn't comforting. The official spin on
her death was suicide, but, she was
a mother of six children, my mom
being the youngest, and most vulnerable.
Why would Mary leave her, by poisoning
herself? Why did my grandfather abandon
his kids shortly afterwards?

So bizarre. A few years after that, my
grandfather faked his own death, then came
back to the States, to Alameda, Cal, from what
I've discovered by family mementos. He had
changed my mom and her siblings' birth dates so
many times, on official papers and records,
that the oldest children truly did not know
what year they were born. Then he disappeared
from their lives, and didn't reappear until
they were all grown, reuniting at my mom's
wedding to my dad. He brought his other
brother, Zeno, who was a four-star French
General, and right hand to DeGaulle, Ambassador
to China, and the East. He was a great
liason to the East, coming from the ultimate
commie family, yet, firmly entrenched in
Western politics and government. Yet,
he showed tendencies towards accepting
communism, as well, at least in familial

No wonder McCarthy went mad over
this. It was certainly the plan to establish
global communism, and conspiracies
were truly real.

I've been wildly successful this week in
stumbling into a source with documented
dates and circumstances which support these
things, with some new premises. Will the
truth ever be known, even though it
seems to be decipherable?

The truth has left crumbs heavy enough
to trace back into the dark woods of London,
up to the frozen world of the Urals, which
still is engraved with my grandfather's
family name, even after the town returned
to Yekaterinburg. I hope I'm well enough
by the Spring to go to England, then to
Russia, unless the Lord wants Frank and
me to go to Israel.

It is very convoluted stuff, though.
Sidney Reilly and my mysterious
grandfather were never able to be truly
decoded, by anyone, only dismissed
as bad seeds...and now I know why. Most
disturbing is my grandfather's ostensibly
favorable position with Stalin, in the 30s,
when Stalin was busy throwing all the
old Bolsheviks in chains and killing
them off, one by one. Stalin never
seemed to care for Yakov Sverdlov,
while he lived, but, had a nearly
superstitiously fierce loyalty to him,
and respect for his American immigrant
brother... . Spooky stuff. What's it
really about? It's nauseating to think
of my own grandfather being any kind
of lackey for Stalin. It's like being
related to Hitler or Bin Laden.

The last century was a century of war
and great revolution. We seem to
forget this fact now, while we devote
our time to porn, gossip, Britney,
Paris, crap television, crappier
movies, and crappiest music.

What vehicle brought us here to
the 21st Century, the Jihad, the rising
up of Gog and Magog... what's it all mean,
and how prophetic does this stuff get?
It's going fast.

I can't sleep at all, because too many
unsettling thoughts and connections are
disturbing me.. I was drifting off, when
I felt overwhelming sorrow thinking of
Lana Clarkson, the beautiful woman
killed by Phil Spector's gun, and by
Spector, except he's going to walk, like
OJ did. This has made me literally sick
all day. I wasn't even focusing on her,
but, she darted from beneath the layers
of other cognitive processes, and it
is such an injustice.

How in the world could this jury not
convict him? How could they believe
this gorgeous and loved woman would
actually put the gun in her own mouth
and fire... Wow. It's upsetting.

Then I started thinking about how full
of dreams I was when I was in my teens
and 20s, like she was when she first
got starring roles in Roger Corman
kitsch movies, like "Barbarian Queen"
and some other great roles which made
her life seem like it was headed in that
same direction as her idol Marilyn Monroe.

She threw herself into her work, like I've
always done. When I was a kid, I played
guitar and bass, sang, and was cute enough
to have no problem getting hired for working
bands. I really believed I was going to be
a rock star, or great actress. I felt my life
was on that course. I even had some of
the guys in top bands in the city call me
because they kept hearing my name and
wanted to know me. Boy, did that swell
my hopes to keep me afloat through the
reality of the music business.

A very nice record producer, Dexter
Wansel, took me under his wing,
during a summer internship for a
semester at Temple U's "The Business Of
Music" program.

I can still recall how magical it was for
me to be interning there, part of the
real industry, at Sigma Sound in
Philly, the place where the legendary
David Bowie recorded "Young Americans"
and across the street from my dad's
dress factory. As a kid, I always dreamed
of being part of that very place, and it
was a dream come true to be there
and for a top record producer to take
an interest in me.

One day, he bought me lunch, and told
me how much he liked me, and that's
why he was going to do something that
I would never forgive him for, until i
was older and could understand why
he did it. He told me that I was not
going to be Madonna, or Debra Harry,
or Annie Wilson, or anyone. I didn't
have what we now call that "X" factor.
He told me to change my educational
goals, and get a career.

So, after hating his guts and crying
my eyes out for an interminable number
of days, still not believing him, I was
flattered when the top instructor of
our program invited me up to Manhattan
to meet with him. He beguiled me with
dreams of doing soap opera, commercial
work, and cutting a demo which he would
finance. As cliched as this next part is,
it absolutely is the reality in most girls'
lives while reaching for the stars. He
really wanted me to be his mistress.

I did what all temperamental adolescent
egotistical artists do, which is to do drugs,
and spin out. But, my interlude with this
lifestyle didn't last long. My dad put me
in rehab back when it was considered
declasse' and humiliating. I accepted
Jesus Christ and cast off all my vain
dreams and ideas about myself. I went
back to college, this time, as premed.

Dexter saved my life. Phil Spector
took Lana's life. How different her
life would have been if she had been
able to decide, at 40, that maybe she
wanted a kid, and a normal life. She
was heading in that direction, even
reinventing herself as a writer and

Life is full of mysteries, and it's when
I am haunted by the sad scepter of
this ethereal and lovely loved woman
when I feel confused about why I
was rescued. The fact that Lana still
pursued her dreams in that industry
indicated that she was tough, not
a "melty little person" as that bitch,
Jennifer Hayes-Reidl, the orange
botox barbi attested.

Punkin Pie, the orange shrivelled up
pimp-lady, sold this poor lady out,
for a few lousy opportunities to feather
her foul and rotten nest. I pray for
her to repent, especially if this trial
repeats next year. What she did was
horrible. There's nothing worse than
giving false witness, and in fact, it's
cited as being as heinous and venal
as murder, itself.

We all have different dreams at different
stages of life. Where there's life, there's
always hope. I do not believe that Lana
Clarkson killed herself in that vile little
man's home.

He's going to wind up killing that young
wife of his, or her mom, now that he
feels invincible. It's unbelievable how
some men get away with murder.

Which takes me full circle back to another
gorgeous woman, who I also never knew,
but, find myself thinking and dreaming
about: My grandmother, Mary, who I
was named for. Did Mary kill herself,
like the defense claims Lana did, or did
my grandfather kill her?

What happens to men who never get
caught, or get around the law? What
happens to the poor women like my
grandma, Lana, and even Marilyn
Monroe, who are blamed for their
own suicides, when powerful men
find it expedient for them to leave
the world. As if it's not bad enough
to rob them of life, they are poisoned
by a shameful legacy.

It's not right.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Dream Time Machine

My dreams often reflect my intense study
subjects. In college, I'd have dreams where
the language spoken was chemical formulas,
and molecules. The closer I got to finals, the
less my dreams were about normal things,
as much as strictly about the subjects I was

When I was studying the Bible, for the first
five years, I rejected any other study, or outside
influence, like movies or television. I was
so engrossed that I often dreamt about
biblical themes. The dreams of Christ were
always the best, but, not very common.
I still remember one of them, and the
peaceful and blissful atmosphere of
Paradise, in Jerusalem (NEW), seeing
the LORD, Jesus Christ, sitting on the
throne of King David, for the Millennium
Kingdom. Overhead was the stationary

I tried to consciously remember every
last nuance and aspect of the place, and
in my dream, I was thinking of this, trying
to take notes, so to speak. It was the perfect
environment, with indescribable beauty, like
a rain forest, without the tarantulas and deadly
insects and snakes.
Image and video hosting by <span class=
There was a distant sound of music and
happy laughter and voices rising in conversation.
The temperature was a perfect 74. How I
knew that temperature is a mystery. I think
I asked... lol. Anyway, I remember that
74 is a great temperature for Paradise on
Earth in New Jerusalem, circa year 3 .
Image and video hosting by <span class=

The LORD is awesome, too lofty to even
try to adequately describe. I remember
crying about that. Yet, I recall that in trying
to remember his face, which I was looking
straight at, I could only superficially compare
him to Robert Plant, particularly how he
looked back in the 70s when he had that lion's
mane of hair, and lionesque-ness. But, that's not
really a good comparison, because you could be
looking into his face and see him through
dimensions of features, but, even those were
more somewhat lionesque even more than
human I think . I guess that's where the Robert
Plant comparison came from, or the fact I
thought Robert P. was the best looking man on
the planet, so subconsciously Christ, as
divine would look like my ideal.

The one thing that is impossible to describe
is the kindness in his eyes. I was so scared
of him, and actually hid behind a tree. I
realize there are all kinds of Jungian elements
in that, but, I'm just saying... this is what I

He could see me, of course, and with authority
told me to come before him. My fear almost
overwhelmed me. I felt my knees melt, and
heart beating. I thought I was going to
die, or worse, be condemned by God, and
instead, I looked up into his eyes, and lost
all my fears. His eyes were full of compassion.
He asked if I loved him, and I told him,
"OH YES!" He asked me to come closer,
and I felt like I couldn't move, but, I did,
and he said to hug him. I tried, but, the
best I could do was put my arms around
his arms and part of his back, trying not
to offend him, by getting too close.

He then became angry, and I trembled
and nearly dissolved into dust, but, he
sternly ordered me to "HUG HIM!"
I did and as soon as i hugged him, and
felt the rush of Holy Spirit, by just
touching him, I hugged him like I would
my long lost brother, or the way I would
hug my mother if I could just hug her
one last time. I hugged him, weeping
and feeling the tears wash over me,
like sunlight. I felt his love , which is
pure sunshine. How else can I describe

I had realized just then, that Christ
is real, and a LORD that we can love
as our most beloved father, brother,
and most of all, sacred friend. We can
touch him! He's not an abstract concept,
or something nebulous, described by a
burning bush, a pillar of flame through
the night, pillar of cloud by
day. He is what we were created to
resemble, and so are the animals.
It's hard to reconcile this, but, those
who try hard to know Christ may
understand these spiritual and
allegorical concepts.

He is the Word become flesh.
How is anyone to understand
this, other than by faith?

As soon as I hugged our LORD, I
recognized how blessed we are to
have an accessible LORD as a FRIEND
and advocate, someone who we
will know and love for all eternity.
I wasn't planning on describing
that event, which was like a futuristic
time trip, but, the next one, which
is related to my latest study of the
last Century, and more precisely,
during the era of the 2nd Red Scare.

I've been trying to discover what
my grandfather was doing during
this period. He left California,
to take up residence with his
estranged children. My dad says
he was a mooch, and I think he
was running away, something
he spent his life doing.

To condense this convolluted story,
I dreamt of the 1950s last night, and it
was UNBELIEVABLY realistic. It was
not in London, but, NYC. I took in
the sights, sounds, and was amazed
my subconscious could construct
such realistic details everywhere,
in the cigarettes being smoked,
and I even noted advertisements
and the appearance of cakey
makeup on women's faces, and
their dreadful lilac-like STRONG

The dream wasn't completely
pleasurable, like other time tickets
back. I was being hunted down
by bad guys, or I was the bad guy,
from whichever point of view you
have of Communists. I think i
was shot in the dream, because
I woke up after being cornered..
I hate that.

I still have this aura of feeling
like I travelled back in time.
We don't realize how different
our world is today, until we can
travel back in the time machine
of our dreams.

Friday, September 14, 2007


Image and video hosting by <span class=

Transformation is the theme this
Sabbath. I see it in the flickering
light how even with a withering
spine, one day, I will be able to
fly. Thanks Lord for such a wonderful
hope this New Years Sabbath night.

I have so much to thank the LORD for this
week. The candle flame has never been
brighter. This is the New Year, and it was
like a stream of prayer requests being answered,
and I believe I have been blessed.

We're not only blessed by bountiful mercies
of material things, but, in being chastised,
we actually are more prone to growth. I've
never been broken beyond our ability
to withstand the pain, and I feel I'm being
rewarded with seven-fold blessings this week.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Without the pain, would I cling to the LORD
as a life-raft? Without mourning for others
and intercession for strangers who touch
my heart, could I grow towards the light
of God? It's through sorrow, not drunken
laughter that wisdom is nurtured as a
tender plant. Beauty fades, youth goes
away, but, the soul and spirit is eternal.
It is this growth towards God that keeps
me striving for perfection.

Image and video hosting by <span class=

I actually forgot it was the Sabbath this sunset.
The world began in darkness, not light.
Even though I have been abundantly blessed
this week, I was in poor physical shape today.
I believe I'll be cured. I have a great advocate in
heaven, but, one on Earth has pulled some
strings, and hopefully I can get some medical
care.If I can get surgery, I may actually be
restored to a pretty decent baseline.

I appreciate my Christian friends
telling me that my faith can overcome pain,
but, I have the feeling that they have no
intimate knowledge of the kind of pain
a spine injury can cause, especially when
it's untreated, and progressively deteriorates.

I know God can mend me, but, it is not
for me to claim. I remember in my baby
Christian walk, and all the pentecostal
and charismatic meetings I found so
intoxicating. There would be a mesmerizing
and charismatic pastor who would seem
to possess the firey life-force of the Holy
Spirit, and shout to "CLAIM this miracle."

My b/f of my youth became associated
with Benny Hinn, the guy who was the
inspiration for that hilarious Steve Martin
movie. He used to blow on people, and
they'd succumb and faint, then rise up
and proclaim the miracle. Hallelujah.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by <span class=

My dad and I loved Kathy Griffith, and we can
not understand why she would deliberately
disrespect Jesus Christ like she did, accepting
the EMMY, calling it her new "God" in jest.
She certainly doesn't have to believe in Him,
or acknowledge my interpretation of Him, or
in my life's experiences, believing God is in
my daily life, but, why offend those who love
God, and have faith?
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
What would possess her to diss God completely?
He's not going to strike her dead. Au contraire.
She's guaranteed to live until she's full of days,
because now it's a matter of challenging her
disbelief. What would open her eyes to Him?
How can the scales be taken away?
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
I cannot watch her again, not that she would
care. Who does she go to when people
go away, when her parents die, when her
friends all seem like empty sycophants,
and when she finds her first lump on a
breast, or under her armpit?
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
It's easy to dismiss God when you're healthy,
and successful, when youth and exhilaration
are not hard to find. It's easy to believe you're
the center of the universe when you're famous,
and in a way, you really are.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
We are promised all the wealth of the
world, and eternal life. Eternal youth is
a drink of water away.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Those are the kind of things that
fall into the scary category of
abominable blasphemies that
are hopeless. I felt my blood run
cold when I saw on the news what
Kathy did.

Image and video hosting by <span class=

Christ's love is more important to
me than anything in this world.
It's not that I don't cherish my life,
or have totally given up, but, I live
for Christ's love. I am in love, and
this brings me peace and happiness.

Even though I am sick physically,
I still rejoice. I can't walk very far,
or do the things I used to enjoy, but,
I don't miss anything, because Christ
is a great replacement for things that
I no longer have.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I have food, shelter, a nice car, a nice
condo, and now the LORD has blessed
me with enough money to live for the
rest of my days. I can get my surgeries,
and maybe even get strong again.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
My work had become my idol. I was
a slave to it. My libido and lust for
men has been subdued by the indignity
of being less than I was.

I may edit this later, but, I'm trying to
keep my blogging journal-like, free-flowing
and not bound to the same rules as my
other writing.

For my Sabbath prayer, I have obviously
been in praise and exaltation. While
the LORD has commanded to keep our
words few, I can't help being effusive
and generous with my praise.

Nothing can separate us from God's love
except ourselves and our worldly burdens.
In so many ways, I've been separated from
my material life which has benefited my
soul. It's not a burden to sacrifice all for
Jesus Christ, the reason for the season.

Christ was born in Bethlehem. (In
September, the equinox, not the winter
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Father, in the Name of YaHashua HaMaschiach,
may all those who praise your Name be so
blessed. May those who don't know your
Name learn from you, and have mercy on
the blind, deaf, and dumb in the land of
the rebellious. As the days grow more
ominous, may we all seek your face more

Please show us mercy and keep America
safe. Confound our enemies. I pray that
you give George Bush some direction
to end this war. I pray that you protect
and raise up Hillary for President, and
that she gets the nomination.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
I pray for the souls of those who hunger
and thirst for righteousness. May you be
found of all who seek the LORD's kindness.
I ask for mercy for those seeking justice,
like Lana Clarkson's mom and sister.
May you provide clear light to the jurors,
and if one of them has been intercepted
and tampered with, I pray that this fact
will become known, and they all go
to prison. You can bestow justice above
the flawed culture of men.

I pray for Erets YisraeI, and ask that
you pour your spirit of supplication
upon all those wailing and remove
the obstacle of their hating our LORD
and Messiah, Y'shua, you are all there
is, and who our ancestors praised.
Please bless all the seed of Abraham,
both in Isaac and in Ishmael. Let
us find peace with our brothers,
through your intercession. Bless
all faiths with this one revelation
of who you are.

Please show your strength to our enemies.
Let their disbelief fade away, until they
are our brothers, and we love one another.
Please intercede in Russia, because something
terrible is going on... You know what I mean,
and it is scary without knowing that you have
preeminence in everything .

If this is the beginning of it, please
strengthen us, and let none of us
be frightened of anything. Give us
wings of eagles and hearts of lions.
We are your secret weapon, and please
use us! We long to show your glory to
those in the land of the living, about
to suffer in the throes of transformation.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Your promises are true, and you
have shown us that. Oh Lord,
let all who profess your Name really
possess your grace and love, even
towards those who seem godless
to us.

We never know who will be transformed.

In Maschiach's Name, Hashem, I pray.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Bless all the creatures

This blew me away. An orphaned monkey finds
solace and comfort with a pigeon. There's
so much living poetry in this image, and
the special relationship between two of
God's most glorious creations.

God bless the animals and those who love


Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Rosh HaShanah is the Jewish New Year. While
the Secular and religious traditional Jews
recognize this date as the start of a clean
page, in the Book of Life, Messianics understand
that Christ was probably born during THIS

The census in Israel, at the time of Christ's
birth would never have been in the winter, where
people had to travel to their tribal lands,
in the cold, and it does get cold in Israel,
even snows in the winter, occasionally.

The census of Herod had to be during the
High Holidays, Rosh HaShanah, when those
like Joseph and Mary would be travelling
South to their tribal land of Bethlehem,
the city of their ancestor King David.

Far from a simple couple, this was a royal
power couple. You don't usually hear Mary
and Joseph referred to as royalty, but,
Mary was a direct ancestor to King David,
through his son Nathan, (Genealogy in John)
and Joseph was David's ancestor through
King Solomon.

Legally, Christ was Solomon's ancestor through
Joseph, though through Nathan's bloodline
in Mary. Solomon was not allowed to be
the actual genetic donor to the Messiah
because he committed heresy, as seen
plainly in Samuel and 1Kings.

So, Mary and Joseph, travelled to the birth
city of their ancestor David. While there
was no longer an imperial leader, seed of
David, the promise was that of a future
son of David, the Messiah, who would lead
Israel into victory against their oppressors.

When Mary arrived in Bethlehem, it was as
a princess of this royal family. While
the image of Christ being born in a manger
alludes to their being impoverished, it
was simply not the case. There was no room
at the Inn, a parable for how this world
was not able to be prepared for the Lord's
birth. His humble birth, in a stable, with
the farm animals is truly glorious.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
The wise men, or magi, the astrologers
of the East, probably in Turkey and
Asia Minor, followed the Star and the
heaven's announcement, and came to
the holy family. When Mary took Christ
to be blessed in the temple, old pious
devout people fell down, knowing that
this child was the son of David who
the promise referred to. He had a
glory, and the pious were in the
presence of the Holy Spirit to know
to praise him.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Most of all, Yom Kippur, the 10th
day of this festival, is the Holiest
Day of the Year, the Day of Atonement,
when we are to confess our sins, and
God takes away our stain, giving us
a new fresh page in the Book of Life.

Isn't that what Jesus came for, to
become sin for us, and to take away
our blame before our Father in Heaven?
Isn't Christ the beginning, just like
the New Year, and the new book of life,
the new page?
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
There are technical ways to determine
the season of Christ's birth. John, the
Baptist's parents, were descendants of
Levi (Zechariah) and was in a specific
course of the priesthood (Abijah-detailed
in 2Chronicles).

The priests had two week obligations to serve
in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. Elizabeth,
who was barren, and like the matriarch Sarah,
was past her menses, became pregnant when John
returned from Jerusalem. Gabriel told him
about her conception with John. When Zechariah
came back, John was conceived. Elizabeth was
Mary's sister/*(or first cousin). When you
extrapolate the dates of John's conception,
in Spring, and then consider he was six
months older than cousin, YaHashua, then
it puts Christ's birth in the Autumnal New
Year, not the Western Roman New Year in the

The winter celebration was adopted from the
pagan celebrations of the sungod and the
legends of Persephone... they were each
transferred into Christ, so, he was mythologized
and then the worship of him became corrupted...

Christ celebrated Hanukah, so, why wouldn't
the Apostles make mention of his birth then?
Because he was born during the High Holy Days
in the Fall.

I'll get into more of the incredible mystical
things about this sacred time of year, in
Christ, this week. The revelations this time
of year get stronger, with each year closer to
the return of our LORD, the Sacred Cube, and the
Coming of Christ, who defines the New Year, and
the New Life, who also takes our sins away.

Praise our LORD, and Thank you Father
for loving us enough to do this holy
and strange work in Jesus Christ.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Oh Osama Obama Osama sweetie

Image and video hosting by <span class=
Oh Osama Obama Osama, wherefore art
thou ?

Was George Clooney wrong about
who the biggest "ROCK STAR" was?
Was he dreaming of you, longing
for your touch, cousin? Lord, he's
a stupid man, isn't he?

Oh Osama Obama Osama, tell me
more of the heaven on earth you
are planning. Does it have the tree
of life on each side of the crystal streams
of the water of life?

Rivers of blood are much better for global
greening. That's what matters, not human
beings, the carbon-leavers.

Can you tempt us with your panacea
of social and religious programs?
Can we wear your ID mark or chip, as
a badge of honor, or is this just another
disappointing dress rehearsal meant
to prepare the mainstream media,
Christ and Jew-haters, with the multitudes
of other Antichrist hypocrites?

I'm sure Leonardo DiCaprio appreciates
your commitment to the green. Al
Gore is probably very flattered that
you are now on board, sweetie.

Oh Osama Obama, did the queer-eye
guys find you in Afghanistan and
give you the star treatment? You
look fab with your newly dyed
hair and fashionably trimmed
black beard! Thank Allah for "Just for Men"

Maybe you can nip and tuck
that banana of a nose . You'd look
less Jewish, and appeal to your
your supporters like George

I'm thrilled that you joined hands
with uber-globalist, the false prophet,
Al Gore, because like he's so... boring.

Oh Osama Obama Osama you care so deeply.
That's the reason for genocide. It's not to be mean.
By reducing 1/3 of mankind, and cutting off all the
useless eaters, in their Jew SUVs, you can save
thousands of trees. They are the ones leaving
all the billions of icky carbon footprints.
Your final solution? The song remains the
same. So sweet is your love.

Oh Osama Obama,. I dream of the day
when the world is one big happy global country
led by people like you, Al Gore at your
right hand. I wish I could see it, but,
I'll either be in the CUBE, or decapitated.

Genocide. Thinning the heard. Instant de-pollution.
Instant re-greening. Why didn't we think
of that first.. or did we?After all, didn't Al Gore
invent everything?

Oh Osama Obama, rock star to the rock stars!
The celebrity's celebrity. Some say you've
got blood on your hands and dung on your feet,
but you're still sweet.

Image and video hosting by <span class=

The time, it is a changing.

Image and video hosting by <span class=
R.I.P. The land of the free and home of the brave.
It was nice while it lasted anyway.

Look on high, for our redemption draws nigh.
The CUBE is coming. Heavenly bling-bling
with the light of the sun inside.

Image and video hosting by <span class=

September 11, 2007- Birthday Sonnet To My Brother Clone

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

My brother Louis David's birthday is today
and this is the sonnet I wrote for him. He's my
clone because he received my bone marrow as a
rescue 11 years ago when he had Acute Myelogenous
Leukemia and was expected to die.... He survived,
and now his blood is my blood, literally. He has two
xx chromosones, my female blood.

His B neg blood turned into AB neg...(mine)
It's mystical... The Bible says life is in the blood.
In fact, he celebrates two birthdays: Sept 11, and
in April, on the day my bone marrow entered his
veins and he was "reborn"... It's actually called a

It's easy to take many things in life for granted,
but, I can't thank the LORD enough for saving my
brother's life, and being so merciful to answer our
most urgent and heartbroken pleas. Thank You Lord,
in Jesus' Name, for all you have blessed us
with, in this life, and the promises you have
reassured us with, in the Kingdom to come.

On this day, may my sweet brother's soul
be blessed with another birthday, the
first day of his being born into the kingdom
of God, forever more. In Christ, I pray.


It's an honor to be the graft that took.
It's given me a unique perspective.
Not just a sibling, I have a deeper look
Like a twin or a private detective.

Twins have twin-speak that doubly confounds,
They can feel each other's existence.
As the Bonds... we were always closely bound,
Even separated by long distance.

Chromosones and genes still hide mysteries...
The bonds of blood are spiritual.
Love is more complex than poetry.
We share a truly mystical miracle.

We hear eachother's heart beat,
Whether far apart or down the street.

I thank God every day
that you are a survivor.


Saturday, September 8, 2007


Check me out!

I watched the white birds fly in
the night sky, and they looked
a little like this:

Image and video hosting by <span class=

It makes me think....

How magnificent is our LORD, and His Creation.

The secret majesty of God is seen in every one
of God's creatures, in the blue skies, verdant fields
where cows graze, and in the twinkling sparkle of a
child's eyes. God also gave us the ability to
create, and delight in beauty. God is the artist
who gave this universe such vast and infinite

Father, in the NAME of Y'hashua HaMaschiach,
Hashem, I praise you with every ounce of my
flesh and human will, human mind, all of my
mortal substance.

You are the Creator of all mankind, and
everything that lives is part of YOU.
Nothing exists without YOU.

Image and video hosting by <span class=

In the sacred splendor of night, when the intrepid
and meek are still awake, there are no distractions
to occupy my time. This is when I can devote my
heart fully and completely to my God, Hashem,
and praise and seek my LORD and Savior, Y'shua.

Image and video hosting by <span class=
Father, I pray that obstacles will be removed,
and for you to confound those raging fools who
need to make peace with you. I pray that you
fortify and preserve all timid trembling souls
who need to possess your strength and power,
Image and video hosting by <span class=
When will we see your face, and the company of
angels you keep who sing your praises?
They are so holy that man cannot pollute them.
They stand atop the sacred grid, holding the keys
to the wind.

They wait for your commands, in pure obedience.

I wish I had the splendor of one tiny feather
of their holy countenance.
Image and video hosting by <span class=

We are so blessed to have the hope of eternal
fellowship in Christ, the Messiah.

Praise those who serve you in light, and Thank-You
for sending your heavenly messengers, and for their
commission to help us. I pray that your mercy covers
me, in my mortal state....allow this wretch to be
clothed with Your GRACE.

I long to be perfect, for that is the mark of God,
and my salvation.

Image and video hosting by <span class=
Thank you LORD, for the image of Paradise that
is crystal clear in my imagination. In addition to
the sheer beauty of nature, I often daydream about
buildings with walls of sapphires and rubies, and
of course, gates of pearls and diamonds. How
can I not swoon from the thought of the mansions
you have built for us, coming down from the
heavenly realm that you dwell in, to ours,

I've been daydreaming about what we will wear
and what we'll eat. I know fellowship with Hashem
is more than our flesh and bellies.

Yet, you have provided us with a clear model
of how it will be. You didn't say we'd be floating
in the clouds playing harps, but, you did leave
us a cryptic clue: We will rise to meet you in the
clouds of heaven, and from that time, we will
always be part of you, and your music and new
song will be sung by our lips, too .

Image and video hosting by <span class=

It's been four thousand of years since you spoke to
Moses, Aaron and Miriam. They shepherded the
children of the Kingdom into the land of milk
and honey. It's been two thousand years since
Jesus, John and Mary showed the Israelites
the way to heaven. It is time for you to now
come back. The seventh year is always the
holiest of Sabbaths, and you promised us the
Sabbath of the Lamb of God, and His sacred
Wedding. This dawn of transformation is
coming down, as you promised. The Seventh
Day is the Day of our LORD, Y'hashua HaMaschiach,
Jesus Christ, the First and the Last, the Alpha
and Omega, the Lamb of God, the Lion of Judah.

How exciting.

Image and video hosting by <span class=

Blessed are the Angels above. They fight
the eternal battle of righteousness for
the Kingdom. Their perfection is a reflection
of God's holiness.
Image and video hosting by <span class=Image and video hosting by <span class=
I wish I had wings of a dove, to fly above all
this, too . My life is spent in this wilderness
of strife, and confusion, when all I desire is
the bliss of knowing God and being loved by

Oh my longing is growing every day.
I feel like God is getting closer each week.
The knowledge of God's Word has given
me Faith, and more importantly, nothing
can shatter my adoration for Jesus Christ.

LORD God, You are my heart's desire.
I pray you come back soon.
Image and video hosting by <span class=
Thank you for this quiet Sabbath night
to reflect on your light. As the candle
flickers, I am reminded that your light
is eternal and you are the light, truth
and life. Let all living things be hushed
when considering your Creation.

Image and video hosting by <span class=

Sabbath Prayer for September 7-8
Father, in the NAME of Jesus Christ,
I ask that you hear my specific intercessions.
I ask that if Osama bin Laden is indeed
alive, and if that's him on the obscene,
newly circulating tape, that you will
consider my request. While his heart
is full of hatred for disciples of Christ
and all Jewish people, I request a miracle.
Please bring this man the message that
Christ is the LORD, and make his heart
break. I ask that he falls to his knees,
making supplication for reparation.

Only You can cause this impact on his
heart, mind and soul, and if it is Your
WILL to save him from Hell, then
I ask that a new revolution will occur,
by his conversion to truth and godliness,
brotherhood and peace. I pray for a
revolution that is revolutionary, even
for times of trouble and of global war.

We are our brother's keeper. Amen.

LORD, You have called yourself our friend
and even our brother. If only I could kiss your
feet. If only I could bathe your feet with my
grateful tears. If only you were that near.
Yet, at the same time, You are here.

I pray you watch over my family, especially
my brother and dad tonight.

Dad has been feeling so poorly LORD . I ask
that you can heal him, and give him energy.
I ask that his insomnia ceases and that you
give him peaceful dreams.

Give my dad the gift of FAITH.

Lord, you have blessed us in so many
ways. My dear brother has survived leukemia
thanks to you. He is now facing kidney
failure, and I ask that you once again help him,
restoring his kidney function. Please help me
to overcome my fear of giving him my kidney.
While I fully realise that to die is to go to you,
and I desire nothing else, I am frightened to
suffer more pain, I confess. .
Image and video hosting by <span class=
I pray that the righteous, dedicated and passionate
work that Alan Jackson and Pat Dixon have done,
on behalf of the State of California, prosecuting
the man who murdered Lana Clarkson, will be
rewarded by a prompt verdict, if at all possible.
I ask that this little man, Phil Spector, will be found
guilty of Second Degree homicide, because, I believe
he is 100% GUILTY.

Only you were there along with Lana and Spector,
so, please provide the jurors with a clear initiative,
without any extraneous considerations. If Phil
Spector is guilty, then let him be found guilty.
It is almost too much to bear seeing another
celebrity get away with murder, then gloat and
flaunt their privilege. Let those days cease.
May your justice and judgment come..

If any juror hangs the jury, due to receiving
a gift of money, or due to a threat against
their families, I ask that it be uncovered
and the party who interfered with justice
is sent to prison for twice as long as
Phil would have spent.

However, if he is found guilty, I ask
that you show him your wonderful
and miraculous mercy. I ask that he
finds grace in your sight, and that you
heal him with your gift of FAITH. Let
him know how great you truly are.
You bestow the greatest kindnesses
on mankind, paradoxically to those
who by our standards, deserve it the
least. I ask for Phil Spector to repent
and be saved by your grace, truth and

I pray for the persecuted Christians
throughout the world today, who are
being slaughtered like no other time
in history since the Roman purges
during the First Century.

In Eritrea and Africa, Christians are
being brutally persecuted and slaughtered.
In Indonesia and the Middle East,
Christians are beheaded, hung, and
tortured for their faith.

This is not the First Century, but, has
become just like it, for the blood of Christians
being shed in the streets of the Congo, and
all of Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Indonesia
and actually, in most places outside the
Western Civilization. It will not be long
before they inflict and exact the same
kind of slaughter and genocide world-wide.

This is the Last Century, so I pray that
you raise up our martyrs as our standard
bearers in truth and victory. The Jihadists
do not fear death, nor do we. We will die, but,
we will not murder them. You forbade us to kill.
By this we know who God is, and who we are
following. ANyone who kills, slitting throats
of children, letting them bleed in the streets,
are following the Destroyer, and Satan, for only
Satan wants mankind to suffer and die in shame.

We will all die someday and it's better to die
professing our FAITH in your NAME than to
live a cowardly miserable material existence.
Time flees quickly. A girl of 20 becomes my age in a
few seconds, but, your beauty and life is immortal.
This is what you have promised all who follow
Christ: Immortality, youth, and beauty. Wealth
that cannot be measured by any material possession
on Earth is what you have promised to all who
maintain your faith.

In the Beloved Jesus Christ,
I pray. Amen.