Update on my health: IMPROVED!
The swelling on my neck is down 50%
and the pain is a manageable. Fever
is finally broken. It was normal by
tonight. I thank the Lord, and am
equally grateful for the very latest
generation of antibiotics.
But, to put things in perspective,
while my health seemed to be so
pitiful, I learned tonight that my
beautiful younger cousin is stricken
with Stage IV metastatic cancer
and her prospects for living to 2010
are 2%. I was crushed. This girl
is a real sweetheart, with the
type of endearing smile, and
bubbly personality that makes
you instantly love her.
I remember when she was born,
and how much fun I had with her
and her brothers during my teenage
years. We'd sneak away during
the Jewish holiday meals at her
grandmother's house, and smoke
pot. Even after not seeing her for
ten years, after moving to Austin,
then Illinois, then Florida, when
I saw her again two years ago,
it was still like we were as close
as ever. But, everyone feels close
to her.
This lovely and gentle girl has a
heart of gold, and two gorgeous
daughters who she adores. It's
incomprehensible to think of her
being so sick, and impossible to
anticipate her death.
The worst thing is that being a
Christian in a Jewish family, I am
stricken with unbelievable sorrow
when one of my own dies, not
knowing about their salvation,
and if there is a special dispensation
for Jews... I know that it is hypocritical
of me to bend the rules, or go beyond
the fundamental beliefs I hold, but,
I can't help it. The thought of my
loved ones being lost to me forever
if they don't have Christ is horrible.
My brother has even mocked me
knowing this is an Achilles heel
of mine. He'll say things like, "Too
bad that based on your beliefs, our
whole family will spend eternity
in Hell..." meaning my mom, my
grandparents, etc.
The only snarky recourse I have
had at my disposal is to rub in
the fact that my dad has confessed
to Christ, and has even told him
that the only Jewish religion that
makes sense to him is Messianic
Judaism and Christ. That wounds
him in the same way his cruel
barbs stick in my heart.
It's still possible for my dear beautiful
and sweet cousin to let Christ into
her heart, and that's all I can pray,
and of course, pray for remission.
But, it sure makes me understand how
blessed I am to have a medical condition
which can be treated, and even if not,
is not terminal. I feel ashamed of
feeling sorry for myself for days.
So, I'm very blue, and feel helpless.
Even though I haven't been close to
this lovely lady in years, the bonds
we forged from our childhoods to
early adulthood is still strong enough
to affect me deeply.
In a way, I wish it was possible to offer
myself instead of her, since she has
these children who need her, but, it
doesn't work like that. We all have our
time to die that is appointed by God.
Plus, even though it looks grim, there
are those who defy all medical odds
and have remission. I can't lose my
ability to believe in miracles.
Father, in Jesus' Name, have mercy
on C. for the sake of her children
and parents. She has too much to
live for to be cut off before she has
seen her kids grown and happy.
I pray for a medical miracle, and
a treatment that will allow her to
go into remission.
I pray that she has the strength to
endure the horrible symptoms and
sickness. Please give her days respite
from deathly nausea and pain. Let
her enjoy her children as long as
possible, and if it is your will, let
her live for another 20 years or more.
Father, you are our only hope and
sanctuary when we have such a
serious disease as this. She has
been disrespectful of Messianic
Judaism and Jesus Christ, but, please
forgive her ignorance and provide
her with light.
Enable her to see our Lord, Jesus Christ,
who is always before our faces with
his arms outstretched to receive us.
We don't have faith unless you turn
on the lights. Please give her the
vision and understanding, as well
as desire to embrace our Lord during
this tragedy.
None of us know our time left on
Earth. We take it for granted when
we're young, that we don't need to
plan for this event until old age.
It's difficult to embrace Jesus Christ
as an adult, when you've been raised
in a culture that's completely
contrary to receiving him.
I've seen it before, though, how when
faced with terminal illnesses, even
atheists are drawn to you, and have
the need to finally reach out and
you take them into your bosom.
Please let this be the case for C.,
and if she has to die, let her die
with the mark of the blood of Christ
upon her soul's doorpost.
In Jesus' Name, I pray.
[[To the chief Musician upon Gittith, A Psalm of David.]] O LORD our Lord, how excellent [is] thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. | |
Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger. | |
| When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; | |
| What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? | |
| For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. | |
| Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all [things] under his feet: | |
| All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; | |
| The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, [and whatsoever] passeth through the paths of the seas. | |
| O LORD our Lord, how excellent [is] thy name in all the earth! |
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