Friday, November 7, 2008


Halleluyah! I just got out of the hospital.
What a complete and utter nightmare.
Healthcare professionals make the poorest
patients, and I am their queen.

I had a massive infection, actually an abscess
which is what was sending me into a panicky
frenzy. But, pumped up with antibiotics and
Percocets, I am reborn. Still in pain and running
fever, but, not delirious.

My pain level has improved dramatically, but,
I still need surgery as soon as the abscess
goes down. I can deal with that as long as
the pain and fever is sub-fatal.

God, I really hate hospitals. This hospital
was the very nice, but, it was still a hospital.
I hate losing control, being just one of the
cattle waiting for butchering, and it's
unnatural for me to be in a patient gown,
not scrubs.

Even one day in a hospital feels like an
eternity in hell for me. I go into near
panic attacks. How did I work in one
14 hours a day for 20 years?

It's funny because I loved working in
healthcare, and still dream of going
back. It would be my dream come
true to have my spine fixed, and then
be able to go back to work. Maybe
that's why I hate being a patient?
I am suppressing anger for having
my career cut short. It was something
that defined me, and that I was
talented at.

Seeing the people who used to be my
peers cheerfully working hard made me
so much more depressed about being
a sickie. I ache to have my professional
life restored.

It's humbling being sick. I was always
pretty healthy. I put off going to the
doctor too long, and by the time I made
an appointment, my fever had climbed
dramatically, and I knew I was in trouble.
I honestly thought I was going to die!
It's funny to see how much I over-reacted
since 24 hours later, after some powerful
antibiotics and pain killers, did it's job.

I know I'm still sick, and have to have
surgery next week, but, being home has
given me a new lease on life.

Having percocets has also improved me
attitude. I'm not euphoric or high from
them. In fact, that's a little disappointing!
LOL. But, on scale of ten, my pain level
went from an 11 to a 4.
(Spinal Tap pun.)

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