My Eternal heart

John hasn't called for days, but, he sent me
two poems, and just seeing his email there,
waiting for me to read, made my heart flutter,
as the saying goes. It reminds me of ten
years ago, when we first came into eachother's
orbit through posting on usenet groups
and then private emails.

His first emails were so mysterious,
all cryptic and poetic.... I remember those
heavenly moments of basking in the
strangeness and tenderness of this
stranger who I loved before I knew
anything about him!

I didn't even know his name. He called
himself "Jimmy Dean!"

I can never ever stop loving John, and when
he describes his scarred heart in his poem,
it resonates. His name is tattoed
on mine. How can I convince myself
that this is life without him? It's a
cruel torture.

Everything he describes could be spoken
of by my heart.
I am scarred and my
heart is scared of getting hard.
And I love him, and I'll love him until
I die.
I exist but it's not a whole life.


John's Scarred Heart:

My Scarred Heart

stabbed heart bleeds bad
cut to the
bone
Love song in question
all my own
brings crys from a tattered
shattered heart
too often cut and never healing
Keeps a body reeling
my
scarred heart.

and these eyes forget to lie to that old heart
and my ears taste
nothing of that merciless part
It hears those pains screaming through and
through
Listens to sweet love songs
denies that there's a problem
ears
won't hear the pain of
my scarred heart

lover she swears a promise - Takes an oath
Plays a game won't say
no
Maybe she should just cut it out
Paste it in a scrape
book
Tape it to the back of
stab me in the back love

in my scarred heart

and my scarred heart
makes me excuses
My Scarred heart
deals in
trucess
it's all losses no successes
waves white flags bleeds the red
ink
I wish my brain could pull a trigger
Shoot me down but
it figures
it marches to it's own nerdy beat
plays in it's own
sheets
My scarred heart

and my scarred heart
heals with indifference
Fight but it all in
defeat
wants to demonstrate all in kind
calls out a draft for the war
to subside
those lonely heartedwarriors others off the shore
I threw
in the towell all damn day
a lonely battle she got the same
with my
scarred Heart