Friday, July 20, 2007
Check me out!
Zinovy Peshkov was my mom's uncle. While
she never knew Yakov Sverdlov, Zinovy came
to her wedding. He made quite an impression
on my dad's family, with his elegance and
exotic aura. After all, this was a man whose
life was the stuff of epoch adventure films.
I'm writing a book on my counter-counter,
possibly triple spy grandfather, and his two
brothers, the Western diplomat, to the East,
the Four-star General, who was right hand to
Charles Degaulle in France, and his Bolshevik
younger brother Yakov, who was Lenin's right
hand man. I've got no choice in writing this
story, but, it's causing me conflicts, because
of the unexplained things that start to happen.
Most of what's written about Zinovy is in
French, and it's tedious for me to translate
and hunt for treasures, yet, every time I
look for this mysterious great-uncle, he's
there with some complete mind-freak.
He's considered a Christian, but, unfortunately,
my research has shown him to be into the occult
spiritualism of the late 1800s, and the first half of
the 20th Century. He associated with the crowd
of H.G. Wells, and the literati in London, as well
as Aleister Crowley. Why is my research taking
this bitter twist, ending with Aleister Crowley?
As if it's not spooky enough, as it is.
How do I write this down where it has
meaning? Can I even do this? I get
overwhelmed, but, I'm dedicated to
it, and I promised my brother we'll
get it done. (He's the brainiac writer,
and I'm just doing the grunt research
and chronological skeleton.)
I usually have to back away from delving too
deeply, for fear of being sucked into the waves
of synchronicity that pulls me into their matrix,
where things are not possible, yet, is. Especially
when I need to do more than a cursory hunt
into Crowley, something that I do NOT find
spiritually edifying, and I literally get migraines
from it. I want to delete him, but, I can't.
He's there in the plot, like it or not.
But, back to the chronic synchronicity,
last night, I was jazzed about reading how
Uncle Zino's early auto-biography,
"The Bugle Sounds", written in the late 1920s,
was the basis for Irving Thalberg's opus,
Whenever I have a revelation, or new connection
to my thesis, I bring it to dad, which is what I did.
As I was speaking the two words, "Beau Geste,"
my dad, who had been doing a crossword in the
newspaper, his daily obsession, looked up at me,
with that look he gets when the matrix gits us,
and said, "You're not going to believe this...."
He showed me the crossword puzzle, and circled
the clue going down.. and it said " Beau.... ______?"
The word he was stumped on was Geste.
It happens all the time, too.
I 'm being haunted, even though
it flies in the face of my fundamentalist
Christian beliefs. I can't say that what
happened was a trick of a demon's
magic, smoke and mirrors.
This stuff is the hard matrix, beyond
manipulation, or a demon's ability
to trick us by their liberty with our
time/space... and our vulnerability.
When the Apostle John, in Revelation,
admonished us that we can't possibly
know, this is what he meant.
The TRUTH is out there waiting,
and I'm listening Lord. Please
help me to hear what it is!
Please protect me. I feel like
I'm in the dark valley with so
much of this.