Aside from my spiritual quest, I've been trying to
get my life back to where I'm out every day and active.
I know it sounds like I'm a lazy slug, and maybe I am,
but, I feel it's a miracle I'm able to get out regularly
lately at all, considering how sick I had been!
I made up my mind to diet, fast, and get
the weight off... it was just a matter of time
before it was done. I'm halfway there already
and I hardly notice the discomfort, even on
days when I'm fasting with mostly liquids.
I try to keep my average weekly calories at
1000-1200 a day, increasing it during
the weekend to 2400 cals to keep my metabolism
happy. But, the exercise component has not
been easy since my spine is soooooo messed up.
By the late Spring, I'll be skinny and
I need to be skinny for my back. I can only
do sub-optimal cardio, so the only chance
I have for fitness is the pool. We have
something like 10 pools in our condo, with
one massive olympic one in the main complex.
Some days there is no one there since most
everyone uses their own building's pool to splash
and socialize. I also miss the gorgeous beaches
within 15 miles of where I live. It's insane
since I love the ocean so much yet haven't
been down to the beach for like 3 years since
my injuries accelerated my decline in
everything.
I'm going back to school for Jewelry design
and technology. Coming from a healthcare
background it's quite a turnaround and cut
in pay but it's the only thing that I can
visualize doing that won't further deteriorate
my spine. Healthcare is out for good now.
Life goes on. It's a new cycle of life for
me, whether or not it's only for the next
3 or 4 years before the Cube returns or not...
I'll be ready to face my golden years if
we're still here 25 years from now...
I run from any relationships for now. I'm not
going to inflict my broken down body on
anyone, and I need to devote all my energy
to getting whole again and making spiritual
strides. It's easier for me to make this
happen without needing to cater to another
person. I do get lonely though. I hit it off
with my opthamologist! He's an orthodox Jew
however, but, we clicked anyway. My eye pressure
was a high 22 and I asked him for a script for
marijuana. He was totally sympathetic but
reminded me we don't live in California where
he could do that. From there, we started
discussing all kinds of things. I can tell
when someone likes me, and he just lit up.
He told me about his wife dying and stuff
he was into. He had a Hebrew Bible on his
desk which looked loved and used. It endeared
him to me.
It's funny how 20 years ago the orthodox Jews
and we were enemies, but, now they are also
looking up to heaven for the Messiah. It's
a miraculous coming together of people, and
ironic, considering how 20 years ago I was
informed I lost my aliyah privilege and today
Messianic Jews and evangelical Christians are
the biggest supporters of Jerusalem. There's
something going on there for sure. Much of
the orthodox communities accept us before the
dead secular denominations of reformed and
conservative Judaism. Still, I didn't tell
the doc I was a Christian, so, I didn't
encourage him beyond thanking him for some
literature he gave me on nutrition. I felt
a twinge of longing though, not for a lover,
but for another soul mate of sorts. I still
miss John.
Since it's never been difficult for me to meet and
make friends, I am not concerned about meeting
someone in the future, if an when it would
be okay for me to share my life again. Why
screw up someone else's life when life is
hard enough without someone like me with my
complex crap?
When I go back to school, I'm sure I'll make
more contacts and friends than I have now.
A close girlfriend would be cool, too.
For now, it's not such a bad thing that
Jesus is my best friend. I really don't want
to ever marry again, so, I'm generally
content. I just hate being alone.
Other than school, dieting, making jewelry,
art, and making new dreams happen, my only other
news is that I may go to Jerusalem next September. I
mentioned to dad how I googled an old friend
of mine, and saw how he now was a minister
and he's participating at a super cool sounding
conference in Jerusalem during the
High Holiday season and dad thinks I should
get in touch with him and see if I can
go with his group. I think he's performing
with the Philharmonic there so that would
be cool, too. Maybe Frank can go. I need to
call him. If you check my blog Frank, call
me since I'm so bad at calling and never
know when to call...
So I saw "Sweeny Todd" with Johnny Depp and
Helena Bonham Carter and was appalled. I
don't understand how Stephen Sondheim gave
the green light to produce such a grim
piece of crap. The producer's wife, Bonham
Carter, was the worst possible choice for
Mrs. Lovett. Her voice was beyond pitiful.
It was so thin and joyless. Anyone familliar
with Angela Lansbury's Tony performance
couldn't watch the travesty without cringing.
This actress had no humor, or the dark grace
of black wit intended for this role. Johnny
Depp has only been in bad roles when acting
in Tim Burton abominations. Why Burton wouldn't
use Patti Lapone and George Hearn, or at least
get real singers, is sickening. For me, it
epitomizes the decline of mass entertainment
and ego of these ridiculous moviemakers these
days. He cut the script to shreds and changed
key elements. The actor and singer for Antony
was pitiful and he picked a fatuous 12 year
old for Joanna. At least check to see if
Charlotte Church would be available before
casting some unknown with a thin voice for
that role. Then again, with the stars being
non-singers, why bother?
Why am I so fussy? Because it was a MUSICAL
and Operetta which I considered one of the
best of the 20th Century. It was beyond
horrible. Madonna would have made a better
MRs. Lovett. In fact, I think she would
have worked it ala Angela Lansbury. Helena
Bonham Carter is possibly the worst actress
in London and anywhere. If these two mediocre
acting performances win best actor and actress
at the Academy Awards, it will validate what
a joke these people and these awards and
all modern film has become.
I cannot believe or understand how it has
gotten good reviews. It was nothing short
of grim and lousy beyond belief. Tim Burton
is ridiculous. To think these films use
budgets the size of what it takes to feed
nations of African children and the egos
of these fools leads them to believe the
unwashed masses won't notice or don't
deserve anything better... It's really the
end of our civilization, but, I won't rant
about that again.
I am just disappointed and disgusted from
one of my favorite shows being destroyed.
I am so disappointed in Stephen Sondheim,
someone I have really idolized all my life.
Why would he inflict this trash on his
fans?
I also so "I Am Legend." I like Will Smith
and he was good. For a Sci-Fi, it was cool,
while predictable and silly at times. At
least it was entertaining and well done.
I've been trying to catch more oscar films
just to catch up with the world, but, I can
only handle a few at a time. I used to love
movies, but, it seems like there's no art
to film anymore, or else, I'm just moving
away from those things. I can't find too
much television to watch other than reality
shows, or pseudo-reality, like Project Runway
and American Idol.
Idol this year is lame for me. It's so predictable.
Simon is so phony by being nice. I have long
tired of Paula's sound. I'm so sick of these
amateurish Holiday Inn lounge singers with their
vibrattos and vocal acrobatic runs which
supplants style and substance. What do I expect?
I used to love Idol. I guess the Irish singer
is good, and the Plus sized model is awesome.
Otherwise, I am already annoyed by the 16 year
old bratty kids and the predictable blonde
nanny who is giving it one last chance. Give
me a break. B O R I N G. Is it going to be
another season where the winner is a loser
like that old grey-haired "291/2 year old"
(I forget his name... he sucked.)
Why do I bother caring since it's so phony?
LOL. Why do I care? I am just another gullible
sheep.
My favorite for Project Runway this year is
Chris but the cockatiel will no doubt win.
I don't think he's all that but they do
with a bag of chips, so, he's pretty much
going to win it. It's a disappointing
season thinking that this will be the
outcome, only because the cockatiel is such
a brat. It's always disappointing when
shitty people win.
Oh, other than this drivel, we're redoing
the condo so it's been fun picking out new
colors and themes. I'm getting rid of all
my Miami deco furniture, well, most of it,
and going dead minimalistic, making one side
of the room into a studio for my work. I have
it designed. I may paint the room a dark blue,
too. I want less clutter and for the white
furniture remaining to pop. We'll see.
Boring I know. That's me. That
is about it for now. I thought I'd
immortalize this for some reason like
it matters! But, that's what blogs are
for.
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