Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Tuesday night

I thought Hillary rocked tonight on the
Philly debates. It's her Presidency to
lose and when I see her, I get this
feeling of pride. She's the epitome
of a strong and dynamic woman, so
despised by our anti-female world.

Go Hillary. Madam President.
Some of my Christian friends don't
agree that she's got the Spirit, but,
I feel it. Maybe I'm blinded, but,
not so blind as to not see the only
true leader and best hope for Christianity
in America in this last era.

Had a fight with my brother, and I've
gotten over a scare with possibly losing
out on my disability benefits, before
they even began. But, it's okay now.
I was earning too much in disability
pay to get Medicaid, which is welfare,
but, they are going to approve me
for Medicare, which is a relief.

It's a terrible thing to be sick in
America without any insurance. I
never thought it would happen to me.

My brother can be difficult, and I'm
sure he thinks the same thing about
me. However, he went behind my back
to distort my outlook to my lawyers,
which he claims was in my best interest.
However, I told him explicitly not to
meddle, and now he wants to take
credit for the hard work my doctor,
lawyers, and I did to get the much
prized and hard-fought victory in
SSDI approval. It's not for the

I hate being mad at a family member,
and it's worse with my brother, because,
he's not well. He survived leukemia,
but, is still suffering from a Merck's
manual list of ailments, including
chronic kidney and liver failure.
Yet, he is a very narcissistic person
who thinks he is smarter than just
about every other human being.

He's certainly brilliant in the subjects
he's excelled in, but, that doesn't give
him the right to go behind my back to
interfere with my case, when I told him
not to piss off my lawyers, who were
the only advocates I had. Now, they're
so mad at me that they don't want to
deal with me, all because he all but
accused them of planning to steal my
benefits. It's outrageous. It made me
look like I didn't trust them, and
didn't appreciate their hard work, when
they're my saviors.

I was willing to let it go, but, he
wants to take credit for me getting
my case ruled favorably, and if anything,
he hindered and hurt things, embarrassing
me, and severing the relationship I
had with people who worked hard on my

I wonder if he's toxic from kidney and
liver disease, and took into account that
he might have encephalopathy, but, when
he claimed to have single-handedly saved
me, I couldn't take it anymore. Last
night my dad yelled at him because we
were given the news that I was not
getting Medicaid, and there was something
wrong with my SSDI. I thought the lawyer
that he accused of cheating me, did
something in revenge. I was paranoid as

Turned out, the problem was the SSDI
payments were high because I once earned
good money. If it wasn't for my dear
lawyer, Adam, I would be suicidal. He
saved my life, but, my brother called
him a "piss ant" and "shmeggeggee" whatever
that is, and called me incompetent to
know a malpractice shyster lawyer.
Just because my lawyer was on television
every day, he equates him with the
ambulance-chasers of bad repute, but,
to me, I thought that this nice-looking
and soft-spoken charismatic guy on
TV everyday had the class and success
to be on television commercials ten
times a day, and I was right. He
was awesome. It pains me that now
this great lawyer feels I needed to
micro-manage him by my brother's

I saved my brother's life, and
my do it again, if he needs part
of my liver, or kidney. Yet, he
won't graciously accept this gift
of life, without thinking he needs
to do something equally as important.
So, he meddled, and wants to claim
credit for my case going through,
and I can't let him because far from
a good thing, he hurt me, and ruined
my relationship with my TV lawyer
who did everything he said he'd do
in the commercial, and even more.

When people work hard for you, it's
the worst feeling to end on a sour
note, yet, without knowing it, he
was undermining my relationship with
Adam and his partner, even insinuating
that they were going to cheat me.
I felt like finding a hole to climb
in when I heard about it.

Now, I feel even worse, because I
cannot be magnanimous on principle,
when in principle, my rights were
abused. How dare he accuse my lawyers
behind my back, ending our relationship,
then wanting credit for what they did.
If it wasn't so outrageous, it would be

Anyway, he freaked out and hung up
on me when I told him he was not
going to get credit for saving my
life, because that was done by
someone else, including my doctor,
who saw me for three years without
pay, and me, who got the reports I
needed, and persevered for so long.

I think he's mental, and so I don't
want to be too upset, but, jeez, I
can never trust him again. Who goes
behind a person's back, accusing their
lawyers of cheating them, AFTER they
win a case? Then, he claims they
were committing malpractice because
they're TV lawyers. I think he's
loco. I had to get that out of my
system. I hate being mad at my
brother. I love him, but, he's
a real asshole some of the time.
Forgive me LORD, for I probably
am a real asshole too, but, he
gets under my skin like no one
else does.

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