Bitter

I have been troubled for the past 24 hours.
My peace has left me. I am suffering in pain.

I still don't have my medical coverage, so
I can look forward to being helped, but have
to wait, even wait in suffering and find
faith to sustain this misery.

I have faith that the LORD who is everything
to me will lift me up, and not allow the suffering
to consume me. There's a reason for everything.
For everything we suffer, there's usually a
compensatory meaning that is revealed in its
own way. What in the world do people without
God do when they're thrown into pain and
bitterness?

I watched a great movie/documentary called
"Forgiving Dr. Mengele" about a Mengele
twin who travels back to Auschwitz to
attend the 50th anniversary of the liberation
of the camps. She met with a surviving ex-Nazi
doctor, Dr. Munsch, who needed healing in
the form of forgiveness. As soon as their
souls met, these two survivors, in the
winter of their lives, forged a miraculous
healing. He was healed by her gracious
heart and gesture of purposefully forgiving
him for his work in the camp. She was
blessed by purging the bitterness and
hatred she felt. When she recognized
how even a Nazi could feel pain and have
regrets and remorse, she knew that behind
those unspeakable acts were human beings,
no different in kind than their victims.

She was very controversial and condemned
by many of the survivors of Auschwitz who
believed she was trivializing their horror
and the atrocities of the Nazis. But, I
found myself crying a few times beholding
how meaningful forgiveness is.

We know that our Father in Heaven told
us to forgive others, as we have been
forgiven, and Eva's detractors were not
wrong for their inability to forgive,
either. It is defined how when someone
confesses their wrongdoing when we are
ordained to accept their apologies and
forgive. It is nebulous about whether
we can unilaterally forgive those whose
actions were so evil, when they feel
no remorse and justify their actions.

It frees our own souls to be cleansed,
but, some people need to hold on to
the wrongdoings of others to balance
their own losses. It would negate the
loss of their loved ones if they said
that their hatred was undeserved.

Corrie ten Boom recounted a similar
test of faith. She was speaking in
Germany, I believe, and recalling the
miracles of faith when her sister and
she were in the concentration camps.
Their family had hid Jews, and they
were the subjects of the beautiful
book, "The Hiding Place."

Corrie was approached by a man who
she recognized as being an ex-Nazi
who not only was at the camp where
she suffered horrors, but, he personally
attacked and inflicted torture on her
sister, who was her soul mate. He
came to her weeping, blessing God,
and begging her to forgive him. She
felt a stabbing pain in her heart,
and resentment for being asked to
do the impossible, which was to
forgive someone who she blamed for
contributing to the death of her
beloved sister, Bessie.

She struggled and wanted to dismiss
him and run away. She was not prepared
to forgive him, for that would erase
the horror of what he did to her,
as well as so many other victims.
When she sought God for this grace
to deal with him, the Holy Spirit
guided her to accept his apology.
At first, it was a perfunctory
rhetorical statement of accepting
his words, but, then, a flood gate
opened, and in place of the bitter
and poisonous bile, there was light
and peacefulness.

This kind of revelation prepares us
for how it will be when Christ's light
sets the standard for all our conduct
and behavior. It enlightens us to
act in the way God established, when
he created man. We are to love our
brother.

It is ancestral revenge which has
ruined the world, not carbon footprints.
It is hatred for our fellow man which
is the unforgivable sin that alienates
us from our Creator, who loves us all
equally.

I am bitter towards the Church, in
principle, because it has skewered
sacred Judaism, wrapping Christ instead
in pagan revisionist philosophies, like
Sunday Sabbaths, Christmas, and Easter
eggs. I am unable to find meaningful
fellowship, but, then again, I need
to look for it. One of the reasons
I moved to Ft. Lauderdale was because
there was a phenomenal Jews for Jesus
population in South Florida. Yet, it
bothers me that J4J has fallen into
the same errors as the modern churches.

Instead of reinforcing First Century
Judaeo-Christianity, there are the
same trappings. Still, it is the best
denomination, and a sign within Christianity
that the harvest has come.

I harbored bitter seeds in my soul,
and I sinned in word and deed, even
though my confessions would seem
tame these days, compared to the
gravity of depravity in our culture.

Just because sexual immorality is the
norm doesn't mean that we are at liberty,
even if we wear the cloak of Christ as
our bridge of faith and forgiveness.
If we truly love Him, we are commanded
to obey his laws, and if we love Him
first and above everything, we will
not stumble at all.

Many Jews believe the New Testament
had a completely new paradigm, unrelated
to Mosaic and Levitical precepts, but,
this is completely fallacious. There's
only a few original and unique lines in
the New Testament. Christ was the fulfillment
of all of Judaism, it's Laws and fundamental
ceremonies and rituals, from the atonement
of Yom Kippur, to Passover, as our Holy
Lamb of God, whose blood covers the door
posts of our souls, to mark our place
as children of the Father, brethren
of His Son, the Holy One, the Messiah,
Christ, the LORD.

There is only one original law in the
New Testament, which is : "Love your
enemies." All we need is love to connect
to God the Father, through Christ, and
by loving our fellow man, no matter how
we perceive them, we are made perfect
by faith. For love covers the multitude
of our sins, the ones we haven't conquered
yet.

I can fast and pray, watching my words,
discipline every breath I take, yet, there
is a warring spiritual reality, my flesh,
which is always trying to steal away my
unity with Christ. If it's not hunger,
appetite, lust, passion, material longing,
or anger, it's hatred. Hatred is the worst
sin of all, even though it's one of the
sins we actually love. It's easier to
hate than love. It's easier to condemn
than forgive.

Lord God, I pray that I am given the
ability and light to reject hatred, in
any form it takes. I pray I can forgive
as I've been promised your forgiveness.
I pray that your light transforms me
by flooding the darkness of my mind
with understanding and compassion, even
for those who I believe are my enemies.

I have noticed myself hating more people
each day, like celebrities who are
a cancer in our world today by setting
the disgusting trends for immorality
and hatred of God and Jesus Christ.
I am bitter at this, yet, even though
my anger may be termed as righteous
indignation, it's not for me to be
self-righteous. It's the Lord's domain
and not mine own to condemn, nor should
I pray for the destruction of Hollywood.

I confess this before my Lord, because
I found myself hoping that Hollywood
and it's scummy dignitaries would be
sorely awakened by the eerie hurricane
of fire fueled by those aptly named,
Santa Ana winds, more satanic than
saintly. I realize that it's not for
me to cheer for these signs and
ostensible judgments in the form
of epic disasters. I am relieved
that loss of life is not significant.

Forgive me Lord for hating, and I
pray that if this is judgment on
Southern California, they will
hearken it and gain faith. I know
when we had that 2005 hurricane
season in Florida, it was impossible
to not connect with our Creator,
and our Savior.

Let this be what happens in the
face of such blatant disaster, Father
and I pray that many who need your
love and salvation, most of all,
particularly the unholiest congregations
of stars who corrupt the morals of the
world today, will have that same
epiphany of faith. There are such
blatantly real testimonials to
judgment happening today. I ask
that these things are not dismissed,
or blamed as being part and parcel
of the false agenda of global pollution
being preached by the green man,
Al Gore-ring. I pray that he once
again seizes the words of faith that
he knows by heart, and instead of
pretending to be the messiah, that
he humbles his heart, and leads
others in a righteous path to
salvation, not destruction and
shame.

I pray that all the obscene females
who flaunt their bodies and sexuality
to entice the last generation to
fall will be shaken into living life
in a modest and godly way. I pray
that the high profile mockers, who
appallingly encourage decadence
and immorality, will have the clear
vision to fear, understanding what
HELL is all about. Please open their
eyes and ears, so they may be saved
and with their fame, reach others
with righteous words, not foolish
ones peppered with self-indulgent
rebellious rants and endless obscenities!

Put your fear into those so-called
Masters of the Universe, those
decadent leisurely classes, who are
isolated and insulated from the harsh
real world, while aiding and abetting the
enemies of God, freedom, and the kingdom.

May their eyes see, and may God's merciful love
be revealed, even if they need to first
acknowledge the wrath that awaits those
who trespass, and encourage others to
follow their lead.

I pray that whosoever calls your NAME to
rescue and sustain them, receives instant
gratification with the limitless love
that you possess. I pray that their sins
are removed, and they are finally washed
clean. May countless souls in Malibu and
Southern California be spared, but, more
importantly, I pray that many are awakened
and saved.

I ask that your LOVE be the consolation
for all their sorrow and that many
are converted to life, not dedicated
to that path of destruction, drawing
the masses behind them, encouraging
and inciting this corruption, especially
in millions of those lost children in
our hopeless world today. They are all
being led astray, mainly by the forces
at work in Southern California which
possess an inordinate power over
the susceptible populations of Earth
today.

The worst of the worst are influencing
children, encouraging immorality in
adults, and that's why I hate them,
but, LORD God, I know that your mercy
is greatest towards the biggest sinner,
of which I am one. Let me not forget
what being lost feels like to take
my own salvation for granted, or feel
justified to hate anyone, even if
I am grieved by what they do. I am
not justified in praying for destruction
as often as I do. I ask for your help
in rising from this petty habit I
find gratifying. I know it is never
acceptable to hate anyone.

I pray that God's love is what these
who I condemn connect with, and that
instead of filthy porn, and their
relentless degradation of females,
that multitudes are blessed with
whoever is turned and spared from
the eternal flames.

What a miracle it would be if many of them
see the light, to preach love and reconciliation
with the Holy Spirit of God, proclaiming
the imminent arrival of Our Lord.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, LAMB of God,
Lion of Judah, Glorious BRANCH, Holy
PLANT, I pray. Amen.