After John left, it was like a door to my
heart slammed shut. It has been five long
years without the person who I considered
my true soul mate, yet, when he calls, it
is like we've never been apart, and it
seems like this separation is just a
Yet, my response to him confuses me.
I am almost afraid to have him back in
my life for fear of going through the
same darkness that descended upon me
when we parted. I know the platitudinous
anthem of " better to have loved " is
applicable, yet, I am finding myself
stuck in the mud. If you read this
John, I hope you can recognize the
truth in this.
While I'm lonely, I never feel alone
because Christ is in my life.
It really touched me that it was
my own Bible that John used to
commune with Christ, and reconnect
to the Holy Spirit. I know that
the LORD is in both of our lives.
We've had different, but, similar
trials in our lives. The one
common denominator is overcoming
our weakness and depression by
recognizing God's power in our
lives, and Christ's love.
It's still a battle every day.
Lately, I've battled this low-grade
depression. I come out of it easily
enough, but, fall back in again
with the slightest provocation.
I need to devote myself to prayer,
and maybe prayer and fasting.
This morning, as the sun returns
across the misty horizon, I
feel like a new day is beginning
metaphorically as well. Maybe
this is the end of John and me
being apart. We always said that
if God wants us together, nothing
will keep us apart. I just don't
want to lose him again.
I pray that God will bring us
back together, and that we will
be together when he returns,
(hopefully in 2012.)
I never wanted to jump from a
plane, but, I am dying to jump
up and fly to meet the LORD in
mid-air. Our generation can
interpret this to be associated
with the Cube's return. At
least, that's my own interpretation,
and so far, God hasn't compelled
me to see it differently.
John read some of my C.S. Lewis
books, and I think about how
C.S. Lewis would have loved to
have been alive in our century,
awaiting the coming of the LORD,
and the saints marching in.
I want John and me to be part of
that number, hand in hand!
12/21/2012? Only God knows.