Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Whiskey Lullaby

John told me he still loves me! A sweet
2 am phone call, 1000 miles away. He was
listening to "Whiskey Lullaby" and I could
feel the pain and longing...

"He put a bottle to his head...." the song said...

John was never one for too much whiskey,
but, I knew he had tossed back his share,
so the lyrics were bittersweet and haunting.
He once told me that time is a test
of real love, but, what about the pain that it causes?
Why are we apart when we live in eachother's
hearts, and when will we see one another again?

He's a mystical kind of guy who believes in
a higher destiny and I believe we'll be
partners in the thousand years arriving.
That's a whole lotta time to mend.
The trials of this life will soon end.
The gates of heaven will usher in a
new beginning.

Time is nothing when God has
promised us eternal grace.
May the Lord bless and keep his heart,
and keep the whiskey bottle away.
Please Lord, in Jesus Name, keep
my baby safe and comfort him
until he's in my embrace.

(John's poetry is so much better than mine,
but, he inspires me all the time. I miss
those hazel eyes and his pirate's smile.
I forgive him for trying to forget me with
an 18 year old hottie. )

Speaking of how old and useless I am,
it amazes me how I am not sensitive about
my age anymore. I have truly reached a
peacefulness about many things that used
to bother me. Even when I'm physically
miserable, in pain, or upset, there's something
that now takes over, and it's akin to bliss.
It's like being kissed by God's Holy Spirit.
I hope it's a taste of what's to come,
and I LIKE IT!

OMG, all who struggle and are not filled with
God's amazing love and peace, should recognize t
the bountiful and free blessing of loving our
Lord Jesus.

It's taken years of rebelling and kicking against
the Will of God, for me to finally let go and
let God fulfill me. I know that even when things
don't go the way I want them to, that ultimately,
there's a reason. The more I trust Him, the
more abundantly I am filled with this
indescribable feeling.

Speaking of which, or (witch), referring to
my demonic ex= I had to call my ex-husband
to ask why the mortgage on our old house was
going into default, when he is supposed to
be a millionaire? It was bad enough we struggled
in poverty together through our marriage, but,
now in divorce, after he gets rich, why is he
still ruining my credit?!!! I gave him the
house, but, my name is on the loan, and
I get two calls a day from them demanding

This guy inherited millions of dollars from his
dad, exactly six months after our divorce. I was
stricken with bitterness at the time, under the
circumstances. His dad always disliked me because
I hated him being a hunter. When we were first
married, we lived in one of his dad's houses,
where he had a stuffed leopard, and other
endangered species he had killed in Africa.
He had a stuffed elephant, and that's just wicked.
It made me sick. When he died after our divorce
was final, I told my demon ex, that it was the
cruelest thing his dad ever did to me. He found
that very funny, even at a time of imminent

I wondered why God had restricted my life to such
a hard working class existence.
But, to be fair, I've never gone without. I
made a good living, all by myself, and always was
blessed. Still, it's hard to feel good about things
when you have a divorce from guy, who used
to turn black and throw me into the china cabinet
when possessed, then after you leave, he gets rich,
and replaces you with your former best friend.
It was a bitter, bitter pill, especially before God
gave me John, who I loved so much and who took
away that misery.

anyway, it was strange talking to my ex-husband
and hearing him complaining about his new
pregnant wife, literally half my age. He thought
it would bug me, but, was bugged because I
thought it was cool. I married him when
he was barely legal, and though in my 20s,
I was 8 years older than him. Now, the
shoe is on the other foot, only his new
wife is 16 years younger than him, and
he feels like an old fart, and while he
acknowledges she's a trophy, he sounded
miserable. Sweet.

I don't want to seem uncharitable, but,
it was like a healing balm to know that
although he inherited millions, he couldn't
pay his mortgage. LOTS AND LOTS of really
unfortunate investments, and a young,
really young new wife, made cash flow
halt to a stop. Not that he's broke, but,
I can see the writing on the wall.

I know it sounds mean-spirited of me, and I truly
don't wish him any ill will, but, I was very
happy and felt all my bitterness towards
him healing. I was happy though that he
was going to have a baby because I think
that is what is going to finally give his life
meaning. I hope God watches over them,
but, I thank God that he's not living the
life of Riley without me.

For the first time in the ten years since we
divorced, I was relieved to think of him as
some other poor young, YOUNG woman's
husband. He complained bitterly about
her too. SuhWEEEEET! Praise Jesus.
Again, I really don't wish him misery,
but, I was so relieved he wasn't so much
better off without me. It was nice to be
on the receiver listening to his moans
about his bitchy wife. So sweet.

That's the great thing about knowing about
God's wonderful grace, and believing Him
when he spoke about patience. All good
things come to those who wait.

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