Yesterday, I had such visceral hatred for you, that my coping mechanism was to imagine you brutally murdered. I confess this because it's true. It's also contrary to my beliefs, so, I prayed about it.
Today, I got my answer. This is hard for me to write, but, I believe that God has forgiven you for any and all of your sins, the same as mine. When Moses was on the run from Egypt, he was guilty of killing a man. He had blood on his hands, but, the Lord, himself, appeared to him, and elevated him above the mortal experience.
The defining moment in our lives, when all is said and done, is what we do with the chance for redemption. Salvation has nothing to do with who we sleep with, whether we are straight or gay, or whether we dot every i, and cross every t. Salvation is a gift of grace, and comes from God's will and plan for us. What we do with it is our challenge.
Redemption is a daily endeavor. My fantasy of wanting you dead is no different than killing you, in the dimension where we are judged for our works and our words.
Only God knows our hearts and the secrets in our lives, and the reasons for the things that we do. I know now that God found you acceptable to bestow tremendous mercy upon, and now, it is up to you, to honor him, and to honor your little girl.
After being dazed by this revelation, I believe that my following suggestions may help you on your path to true salvation. You are loved by God. The blood of Jesus Christ has been applied to your sins, and you can walk into the world a free person, and you could establish yourself, against all odds, as an honorable woman.
You must resist the temptations that appear before you to divert you from the grace in your path. If you cannot share words truthfully, say nothing at all. Stop spinning excuses and try to never lie again. This is not purely your fault, since, you learned to lie from your parents, who may have learned to lie from theirs. The time to stop lying is now. It won't be easy, but, nothing is impossible with Christ, who strengthens us.
I would recommend staying away from your mother and father, altogether, until you can finally get your footing as a new person. Maybe you should never associate with them again. I am beginning to understand how you may have been warped and damage by the environment you grew up in, and you may have suffered terrible psychic, and possibly physical abuse at their hands. Forgive them, but, stay away from them. God knows the truth, and so do you. It's not important for anyone else to know, and frankly, you shouldn't discuss it until you are reestablished, when you don't need to offer excuses for your actions..
Though you've had negative experiences with Christians, so have I, but, Christ is not to be blamed for the foolishness or errors of those who are works in progress, or are not even on the right path. Get to know Christ through a discipleship, one to one, by praying and learning to depend on the Holy Spirit to guide you.
If you were chosen for this work of redemption, in Christ, prepare your own way to represent him. People will not only see you in a new light, but, you will be loved, by those in the heavenly realm, and many haters in the world. Frankly, most of us are lost, and by becoming a new person, you have the power to guide others one day.
If you can be straightened and strengthened, forgiven and then blessed, you will know pure joy, and your contribution to others will be a great work. People love to hate, but, people also love to forgive.
If the words of my prayer for you is accomplished, you will know happiness, and fulfillment. You will have success that will be stunning, and will inspire so many, especially young people, who have stumbled on the wrong paths.
Stay true to who you are, not who your parents wanted you to be, or who you think you should be. Everyone who has met you claims that they were attracted to your spirit and energy, especially your positivity. Use these natural gifts to enhance your ministry. The world needs you as this incredible new person, enlightened and pouring out light from your pores. Your beauty will not only be skin deep, but, will attract many to your beautiful heart. You have a chance to be this beauty.
Casey, we're all sinners, and to God, all sin condemns us. You became a symbol of sorts, in the worst possible way. Now, you can change the game. He has given many people miraculous opportunities, that are wonderful, but, few has he given such a powerful gift as he has given you. Consider that you may be chosen for some higher purpose. Not only are you redeemed, but, if you choose the right path, you will build upon this foundation, a way for others to find hope, when they are hopeless.
A week ago, you were that hopeless soul, but, now, as you embark on a new life, make it work. Devote your life to God, not to selfish pleasures, which are transient. If people see you throwing away this opportunity, there's not a corner in the world where you will be free from shame and blame. On the other hand, if you truly apply this grace to a new life, you will become a beacon of light, and loved.
Please grab hold of him, and his love. Reject sensual temptations, or transitive pleasures or pseudo-fame. Use your notoriety to profess your faith, and you will truly be the symbol of miracles and hope for others.
When you leave jail, put space between yourself and your parents, maybe even Lee. Embrace the community of Christians wherever God sends you, and take advantage of this gold ticket to a new life. Don't do it only for yourself, but, live every day righteously, to honor Caylee, as well. You will one day see her again, and you want to hear her say, "well done" not to mention to hear the Lord utter those words.
We're all vulnerable to sin and we've all done things to hurt others, but, only the persons willing to have humility, hope and accept the grace of salvation understand that in God's eyes, only His acceptance counts, not the degree of our sins. Sin is sin. Hating you is murder. Loving you is the mark of Christ.
Wear salvation and a crown of righteousness when you depart from the purgatory of iron bars. Though you'll never probably read my words, I send them to you, in my prayers. I pray I am worthy to be counted amongst the saints, and that you will be there too, in the day of the Lord's great return.
I kept hearing this song in my head, from 'Les Miserables', It was sung by the bishop who helped Jean Valjean escape with silver that he stole. Whenever I've seen the show, or listened to this music, this part always makes me cry. It resonates with all sinners who understand how we're given the gift of grace, which is more valuable than all gold and rubies:
Would you leave the best behind?
So Messieurs you may release him
For this man has spoken true
I commend you for your duty
May God's blessing go with you.
But remember this, my brother
See in this some higher plan
You must use this precious silver
To become an honest man
By the witness of the martyrs
By the Passion and the Blood
God has raised you out of darkness
I have bought your soul for God