Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Hurricane Aggravates My Pre-Apocalypse Traumatic Stress Disorder
It's real, though. Living in South Florida is usually pretty neat, except for the threat of hurricanes. With just a 50% possibility of it affecting Ft. Lauderdale, I go into manic mode, planning everything from safe rooms to diet and ventilation. I've bought a operated hand held fan-air conditioners, which are awesome, and they join my half dozen battery fans. I can't handle no air-conditioning, in a sealed up home. It's scarier than the hurricane. In fact, during the storms of 2005, I actually went outside into the hurricane to recover from the stifling heat and still air. As scared as I am of their power, they also possess an awesome quality that is mystical. As strange as it is, it makes me feel more connected to God to experience the powerful force in those winds.
So, I've got issues, true, but, I think they all stem from my lifelong belief that I will see the world as we know it end. This manifested in childhood, a decade before I was blessed by salvation in Christ.
I had terrifying dreams and these have intensified in the past ten years. I only have a few of them a year, but, they're virtual dreams, more real than reality.
I have been trying to elevate from fear, because fear is the sign of flawed faith. I think of how Jesus berated his beloved Peter, when he stilled the tempest on the waves, and instructed Peter to believe in HIM. I do believe, with every fiber of my being, until I'm in the path of real danger. Yet, even having lived through a terrifying hurricane, where we experienced God's grace in true form, my chemical fear has not subsided. I started shaking when the News reported that South Florida could be in the path of what could be another monster.
I try to look at it like a test of faith, but, the clay feet and weak flesh that feels pain, cannot transcend these biological reactions. I'm going to work on it by praying and allowing God to help me get through it. Meanwhile, I know that in the next 48 hours, I will probably spend hundreds of dollars stocking up on enough supplies to endure a year of post-civilization anarchy and chaos. I can only reckon it's because I am too focused on the Last DAYS. This in itself could be interpreted as a form of idolatry, and sinful, but, I'm not sure. I know it sucks, and I hate being scared.
Father, in the Name of Jesus, please give all who are in the path of the storm the strength to endure, and I pray that your will be done, but, that loss of life will not be part of the sorrow. I also pray for my home and precious pets. Please protect my babies, and please help me to get over this PATSD.-Pre-Apocalypse Traumatic Stress Disorder, so that when it really is our time, I am not a puddle on the floor.
I know it will be a challenge for me not to use 2012 as an opportunity to buy survivalist junk. After September 11, I spent about 800 bucks on just canned foods and water. I pray I get over my fear.
I pray my faith will kick in and I'll be possessed by the Holy Spirit to sustain me through whatever storm comes,
These hurricanes feel like the end of the world, though. Yikes. . .