Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The DIVINE Kim and Kyle Richards of RHOBH

I've been getting so deep and philosophical lately, that I needed to get back to a lighter topic. I've already admitted that I am a voyeur of the Real Housewives franchise. I finally got around to watching the DVR latest episode, called "Game Night."

 While I've never been a huge fan of the NJ or Orange County casts, I am hooked on these Beverly Hills divas. I think Bravo can easily flush the other cities, and concentrate on them. Maybe they can relocate Carolyn Manzo because she belongs more with these elegant women than the mob ladies surrounding her in New Joisey.

Even with Taylor Armstrong's controversial presence this season, which was filmed before her husband Russell died, she is notably skeletal and unbalanced. You really have to feel sorry for her for this fact, although, I was not a supporter of her selling pictures of her sporting a black eye and blaming it on her dead husband.

This week's crowning moment was the fantastic chemistry between the Richard sisters, which was strained last season. This season, there is an endearing and interesting unity and co-dependency. They are unrestrained and their personalities are unstoppable, mesmerizing and electric. While many will criticize them for the events of this week's show, I loved it, and I love them!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

First of all, I think Kyle Richards is the most stunning woman of the entire series. She is also someone who I can relate to, and I think other people feel that way, as well. Kim is fragile, histrionic, needy and very charismatic, in her own way. Both were kid actors, and they are the aunts of Paris and Nicky Hilton, which makes their chemistry even more appealing, because, let's face it, it is hard to watch them and not see Paris and Nicky in ten years. Kim is so Paris and Kyle is Nicky.

The weird thing about the producers of the show this season is that they decided to add this inappropriate tacky and strange ex-model to the cast, plopping her into the scenes, forcing these women to consider her a "new friend" even though she's not very likable really.

Last week's show illuminated some problems, because, as a newcomer, she jumped right in and acted like a street ho-bag with these elegant matrons, both in language and attitude. It may be a fit for Jersey Shore, but, very strange to pair her with these women. She had no edit button, and no class.

At a party at the imperial palace of Princess  Malooof, her feral 3 year old stood in front of the women and pulled out his pee-pee and peed in front of people. This ding-dong strange mom thought it was adorable. That made me appreciate Kyle, because, she established the fact that it really isn't okay to not tell a child that peeing in public on people's lawns in front of strangers is not what we do. When her boy gets touched by Chester, the neighborhood molester, she can blame herself.

I'm not fond of people who let their kids run wild, without restraints. Sure, they're just kids, but, they need to learn social skills. I think women like Brandi are dangerous reproductive units. They know how to make babies and give birth, but, that's about it. For the next 18 years, those kids become the irritants to all around them, and usually wind up in rehab.

It's not that Brandi seems like a bad person, actually, as much as she doesn't belong in the cast, and it doesn't fit. So, it felt amazing when Kyle and Kim, supported by the other new castmate, Dana, cut her to ribbons. What the heck does she have to offer, other than being smug and irritating?

At least the newly rich Dana, with her label obsessions, is a piece of work, and funny, truly a contender as a character.

Oh man, Brandi is just another washed up super-model who's looking for a way to stay relevant since 15 year olds took up her slack on the runways. She should try the Bachelor, Great Race or some  other reality venue. She doesn't have anything worth seeing in this crowd, other than a defensive snarky tongue, in my opinion, and this attitude that she's poorer, but, really much superior to the other matrons.

It's not that the Richards women weren't horrendously cruel to her and rude, but, you know what? When a newcomer is introduced into an established group, their role is to ease into it, without sending out screaming signals by dressing like a slut, or talking like a slut, and begging for attention, "LOOK AT ME ME ME!!!" I don't blame them for not liking her, and I LOVE them for actually going to mat to put her in her place! I may be perverse, but, it's real.

We're all familiar with being the new person at work, or in the neighborhood. You have to let people get to know you, gradually, and show enough respect to try to get to know them, as well. Even with her self-deprecation, it's obvious that Brandi feels superior to these slightly older women. Yet, she's only a few minutes younger than Kyle and Kim, so, her attitude really is crappy. She has this sign on her face that reads, "VICTIM" and you know what? Everyone is a victim. Get over it, and show some respect to get respect.

What is beautiful about the Richards is that they really let their feelings out, not like the stilted Camillle, who is actually very cool, and very very funny! I honestly think Camille is an outstanding person, based on the show. I hope she can let her hair down. She's pretty special.

I don't know how to explain it, but, I appreciated the mean girl drama of it all, because, in a way, this newcomer was asking for it by her non-verbal signals and energy. In the media, people are trying to pretend like they felt sorry for her, but, I bet if they were honest, they would be beside me, and huge fans of the Richards.

There's all this melodramatic posturing about bullying, and it's a controversial modern obsession. This awareness is artificially exacerbated by the attention-whore antics of Lady Gaga, attaching herself to some poor misfit EMO kid  who committed suicide because kids in his middle school were mean to him. I mean, what can you say about this? I was bullied, and everyone went through these rites of passage.
I was actually stabbed with scissors, and had to leave that school.

But, here's the dilemna, while you can try to bring awareness, you can't legislate or regulate everyone's behavior. I HATE being told what is politically correct and acceptable, particularly by someone morally loathsome like Gaga who is a blatant Satanic high priestess who performs before children with her breasts and crotch exposed.

If it wasn't for Kyle and Kim, this show would be on life support. Lisa Vanderplump is gorgeous, successful, eccentric and divine, but, not very interesting this season, with her mother of the bride boring boring boring storyline, although, the wedding planner is hilarious.

It was far more engaging last season, with her non-sexual gigolo adopted son mooching off them. But, that little dog, Jiggy, is a star, for sure, and her husband is awesome. Any 50 year old man who dresses to match his tiny toy dog deserves his own show.

Taylor offers some drama to the season, but, it's all too real, you know? If poor Russell hadn't been found at the end of a rope before the first episode, it would feel differently. Now, it's painful to see her bony body and cadaverous face, with the only roundness possible through pillow cheek implants which are as obvious as the humongous duck lip extensions.
She's a complete freak show, and her unbalanced behavior in the episodes only makes it more sad. I do feel sorry for her, on that level, and yet, it's not fun to see, so, I find myself fast forwarding. I don't know what to think about Taylor. On one level, I think she's pretty cool, but, I don't like how she seems to be exploiting her husband's death.

Adrienne Maloof is another completely divine creature, and I like her, but, she offers very little excitement or drama, so, I wind up fast forwarding her, usually, as well. I do love her Dr. 90125 Hollywood plastic surgeon husband, except when she talks to him like a dog, and he is like a hangdog used to being put down and whipped.  In his own merits, he's pretty special, and has a wonderful personality. She's very classy, but, imperious and too politically correct and tactful, not to mention  perfect to add any real excitement to the episodes. I think that she needs to go. Other than lifestyles of the rich and famous, we're not really getting to see her life, except for scripted sequences.

If the series continues with Kyle and Kim, maybe Paris and Nicky, with their mom Kathy could join the cast. In that event, the show would soar without any need of the others, who probably don't add anything anyway.

I just want to finish by applauding the absolutely most entertaining moment in Housewife history, in my opinion, when Kim absconded with the annoying Brandi's crutches and HID THEM!!!!! LOVED IT! I know it's mean, but, that's the point. Fantastic episode, at least the Kim and Kyle part.

If you get a chance, watch this week's show and if you're not fans of the Richards' sisters after that, this franchise of housewife programming isn't for your tastes.

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