Wednesday, May 21, 2008

updates, musings, rants and more of the same

I haven't blogged for awhile... I've been doing
more activities and my jewelry in my spare time.
But, I'll catch up here.

First, I was happy that David Cook won American Idol.
That other David didn't do it for me. In fact, I had a
creepy vibe from him. Something spiritually
unsettling about him... I got cult vibes, don't ask
me why, and I just didn't like his voice. I guess I
will still watch Idol next season. It seemed like they
pimped the karaoke kid all season, and if mediocrity
was what they were selling, after two seasons of
who I considered pretty mediocre winners, another
dismal ending would seal the deal for me. As it is,
I barely watched after Carly left and David A. stayed.

The big news for us today was that Hillary Rodham
Clinton came to my condo, and was here this afternoon.
It's not the first time she's come to our place. My mom
met her in the 90s when she came. I was thrilled when
we learned yesterday that Hillary was coming, but,
from 7am, there was a dizzying mob of over 60s
waiting outside, like a geriatric rock concert. Between
them and the crush of of Secret Service, not to mention
90 degree heat with 100% humidity, I didn't have the
fortitude to compete with those grannies. I didn't stand
a chance, but, it was somewhat comforting knowing
she was walking distance across the courtyard in
our large clubhouse auditorium.

I love Hillary, and my disappointment in the Muslim's
overwhelming sweep has put me in the worst mood.
I don't watch the news. When I see him, and his
pit bull sourpuss wife, I feel glad that Jesus is coming
soon and my hope for this world is gone. I don't think
the Muslim can win, but, even if he does, Jesus said
that our hope is not in this world.

I know I'm inconsistent, because if Hillary by some
miracle wins the popular vote and then secures
the delegates needed, I'd be over the moon, and
I'd definitely be campaigning for her.

Still, I was thrilled that our country's most illustrious
female leader was so near today, even though I
would have cherished the opportunity to meet her.

It's funny though. I met my sister-in-law for lunch
and when I got home, a Secret Service guy, with
a toolbox, was coming from my floor, and he was
startled and grim when we came face to face. I
know he was Secret Service, not a repairman, because,
well, I just know. I seriously wondered if I am on
the SS radar because of my family's role in
Communist Russia? My computer is filled with
ostensibly subversive material, not because I'm
a Soviet, but, because, well, it's my family.
I can't help it if my grandfather was a Russian
spy, or his brother killed the Tsar. There's a
part of me that cherishes that anti-hero thing,
even though I know they were as much a
part of the world Illuminati thing as the
Royals. Still, the Antichrist is Caesar, and
it's symbolically cool to me that my blood
was part of offing the last Caesar.

Maybe that's not a PC way to think, since the
Romanov's have become retro-saints. People
who glamorize them fail to realize how much
suffering they caused. Not that my grandfather,
or his family were saints. They were all masons
and conspirators. Black on black.

These days I am trying to focus more on my
dad's Levi blood. His grandfather was still
part of the rabbinical order, and while his
parents didn't impart any Torah to him, he
has a true spiritual and mystical nature that
I believe is the legacy of being a Levi.

Mary, mother of Jesus, was part-Levi. Her
mother was Levi. We learn this in Luke 1.
Elisabeth was Mary's cousin, and she was
a daughter of Levi, married to a Levitical
priest. That means Mary's mother was Levi.
Her father was Judah, with lineage to King

I'm not saying all this to puff up.. OK, well,
maybe I am. Everyone feels some pride in
family lines, and I won't apologize that I find
my lineage fascinating. My dad's line of rabbis
and my mom's line of Marxists and spies.
It defines me every bit as my hazel eyes and
auburn hair.

My sister-in-law and I have been like sisters
all our lives. She started going out with my
brother when we all were in camp, and she
was my counselor. She looked just like
Britney Spears looked as a teenager. In fact,
she was a beauty pageant winner, Miss
West Chester, and ran for Miss Pennsylvania.
She was my star and idol.

She was just told that she has a suspicious
lump in her breast, and goes for a biopsy
on Tuesday. I pray to the LORD for her to
have the grace to endure the horror of
cancer, if it is God's will to allow her to have
this terrible disease. I lost my ma to breast
cancer, and I will die inside if I lose my
only sister. I still pray that by the Lord's
infinitely merciful miracles, she will learn
the lump is benign. The fact that the doctors
feel pessimistic has me very down. I don't
know how I could possibly cope with her
being that sick.

My brother is very sick as well. I think he has
a chronic encephalitis related to a horrible
Herpes Simplex I infection that took hold when
he had leukemia and was immunosuppressed.
He won't go to a doctor, and subsequently,
has just been going downhill, having seizures,
periods of delirium and dreadful pain.

It's very hard to face the mortality of my loved
ones. My dad is in relatively good health, but,
in his 80s, even though he looks 60, he shows
signs of going into that late autumn of his life.
It's funny, though, how good he looks. Yesterday,
a very attractive woman in her mid 50s asked
him out to dinner. She picked him up at the
supermarket, asking him if his wife had a good
recipe for something they were looking at.
When he said he was a widower, she feigned
horror, but, then told him she's noticed him
around and would love to go out with him.

He only has a few odd grey hairs. I have more
grey. He is amazing. I told him that contrary to
how Hollywood depicted Moses, with white hair
and looking 120, that in his 80s, like him, he
was given the commission to lead the children
of Israel into the Promised Land, and he didn't
have grey hair, nor did his shoes and clothing
age either. With God, nothing is impossible.

You would never guess my dad is in his late
80s. It's mystical to me. We have a relatively
benign blood disease, that affects clotting, but,
I've been told since I was 18, that if I don't
die from trauma, this blood disorder will keep
me young. I was even sent to the Mayo clinic
for them to use me in a study they were doing.
The doctor conducting the study said that
the blood disorder may be a mutation that's
beneficial. As a clotting disorder, in the
mild hemophilia category, the lack of
stickiness in the blood, also inhibits tumors
and prevents all heart disease. One doctor
called it the fountain of youth.

There's so much mystery in this bloodline.
Not that I want to dwell on the flesh, but,
it thrills me that our bloodline goes back
to my heroes in the Bible. Why shouldn't
I feel blessed, even though that doesn't
guarantee anything more than a physical
link to our LORD. Christ told my ancestors
that God can make stones children of
Abraham, so not to be cocky about it...
In the Spirit, I am only a child of God through
the blood of Jesus Christ, my Savior, not
through any mystical heritage in my genes.


When you have low self-esteem, like I do,
it's nice to feel double-y blessed by feeling
closer to Christ through his blood kin, and
my own. Not that I'm the blood of Christ,
God forbid I imply that. But, I could have
blood ties to Mary as a half-Levite, and
Moses, for sure. That ain't chopped liver.

Oh well. I'm as boring as ever, but, I thought
I'd update the blog.

It's soooooooooooooooooo hot in Florida.
I think there may be something to this
global warming after all. I am very stricken
in my heart knowing about all the suffering
in the world lately, between earthquakes
and cyclones.

Much of my obsession lately has been towards
learning and praying about the poor people
in the African nations. OMG, from the Congo,
Darfur, to South Africa, the suffering, starvation,
tyranny and genocide is appalling. God has put
it in my heart to bleed for these poor souls.
I wish there was something I could personally
do to contribute to even one woman and child's
life in the Congo or Darfur, other than contribute
money. The problem with money is that we're
not convinced the money ever gets to the
poor people who are dying. The ones in control
take the money, using it to buy more weapons
and persecuting the people we feel so sorry for.

Why is this happening to these people? Why
can't we stop the monsters from being in
control and terrorizing those gentle women
and children being raped, tortured, starved
and persecuted? When I think of the cruelty
they're subjected to, it exceeds the bestial
monstrosity of the Nazis. That's what is
truly terrifying.

My whole life was spent pondering the Nazis,
and I knew that the Antichrist was a figure of
that demonic entity in Hitler, being empowered
by a principality. I know intellectually that the
Antichrist is worse than Hitler, and I see signs
of this everywhere, especially when not turning
a blind eye to the horrendous suffering and
genocide in the nations of Africa. Literally
all of them are imploding under the greatest
evil imaginable.

All I can do is pray for them, and I do pray.
I urge every person who prays to keep them in
daily prayer. Where evil abounds, grace more so
abounds. Through this unspeakable horror,
there are valiant saints being formed, the likes
of which I am not worthy to lace their shoes.

I also feel grieved by the suffering in China
and Burma, but, China also scares me. I know
I have a drop of Chinese ancestry, on my
mom's side, but, my mom's family were
rather scary when you think of it. The army
of Armageddon always seemed to me to
be representative of the way China will
impact the end of days. We'll see. I don't
trust them.

Other than being devastated at Hillary's
slim chances at overcoming the surge from
the Muslim candidate, I don't really get too
worked up about him anymore. I think he
is an ignoble and controlled shill, like
the proverbial Manchurian candidate.
He fits the profile of one theory of the
Antichrist, as well, so, in a way, it's still
reassuring that if he somehow becomes
President, the clock starts, and we'll
get off this cooked planet in 4 years.

I am very ready for the return of our LORD
and if it takes suffering through the tribulation
of wars, rumors of war, earthquakes in divers
places, and reaping the whirlwind, then, at
least there's that rainbow at the climax of
the cataclysmic storm. Unless a kernel of
corn dies and falls to the ground....

In death there is rebirth, and so it goes.

OK, I'm all over the place, as usual.

Right now, I'm doing a very fulfilling and
rewarding study in Psalms which has blessed
me. I forgot how cleansing Psalms are. They
strengthen the weak spirit and heart. They
fill me with passion and love.

Have I mentioned lately how much I adore
Jesus Christ? I love him so much that when
I think of him, I want him so badly that I
close my eyes until I see little fireflies.

I'll try to blog now that I've found my way
back. :-D

- shell

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